The Power of Hope
As I drove home from work yesterday, I realized a difference in the way I felt after I spoke with my boss/friend compared to how I'd felt when I'd arrived at work that morning. When I got in the car, I knew the difference was hope. I was still aggravated, still worried about how I could work things out, yet I felt ever so slightly different than I had before, and knew it was because there was the tiniest ray of hope. So small you'd miss it if you blinked, but it made a difference.
Last night, I started reading the book, "Making a Living Without a Job" by Barbara Winter, and went to bed at 1:30 am even more hopeful. I feel much better about going to work next week because now I have other things in mind which working there will help me accomplish.
The difference is that before I used tell myself that working there allows me to accomplish certain things: pay bills, buy food, have insurance, etc. But that still didn't make me happy. Mainly because it felt so final.
Now, I'm looking at it as, "Ok, I can get through this stressful week because it will not only give me the money to pay my bills and the insurance to go to the doctor, it will also fund the things that I know I will be doing soon that will make me happy. Then I will be leaving there to work for myself." You'd think that should have been obvious all along but it wasn't, because I didn't really have the hope or belief things would change. I didn't see how they could. I thought I was stuck.
However, one of the best things about this book so far was an example Barbara gave of how she was determined to go to England one year. She didn't have the money to do it, and didn't know how it could happen. But she didn't worry about the HOW. She focused on the WHAT. She visualized herself there every day. She got her passport renewed and put it on her dresser where she'd see it every day. She got travel brochures and guidebooks. She spent every evening planning her trip. She even made this daily affirmation: "I am going to London this year and it will be a gift." That's some affirmation - she didn't even say "I am going to London and I'll be able to afford it" she said it would be a gift.
She went on to enter every contest for a trip to London, but several months passed and nothing. Her birthday was in October, and she thought "Ok, maybe I'll get the gift for my birthday." Birthday came and went and no trip. A couple of weeks later a friend called, said she had a ticket for a trip to London that she wasn't going to be able to use, and would Barbara like to have it.
It took almost a year, but she got exactly what she wanted. She didn't worry about how it would happen, she just kept believing that it would.
It reminded of the time I made a list of the job I wanted and even though I had no idea how that might happen, I carried it around with me all weekend anyway. By that Monday, I had news of it, and a few weeks later, I had the job. Funnily enough, that is now the job I want to leave. It has changed from the time I started--it's no longer the job I applied for and got--so I'm feeling it's time for me move on. Make a new list. And this time, I'm not going to worry so much about how I'll get there. I'll just have faith that I will.
Kate, so true! The crappy job I told you about earlier remember? Well, I visualized the perfect one for me. One that would allow me time to write, etc. Well, a part-time job opened up at the local library. I chatted at my then office desk with the gal, told her what I wanted and why. She offered 30 hrs, I wanted 25...I got the job and my hours! LOL. Till this day, I remember it as the best job I ever had. Books all around me, people who love them visiting me everyday. Heaven!
ReplyDeleteSounds lovely, Ladonna. :) Our local library is beautiful. I'll keep it in mind. :)
ReplyDeleteOkay, I absolutely must go get this book! Thank you so much, Kate!
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, Spy. :) There is so much that I'm taking away from this book, I'm really glad I bought it. It was written in 1993, but it's still relevant. I could go on and on about it, and I'm not even finished yet.
ReplyDeleteKate, I have hope for you too. It will happen.
ReplyDeleteLike Spy, I'm getting that book too. :)
Thanks, Edie. I read passages of it to my daughter and later told her I planned on quiting my job in the summer. When she wanted to know what I would DO, I told her some of my many ideas that the book inspired, and for once, she merely nodded slowly rather than roll her eyes. If the book can do that - it can work miracles. *g*
ReplyDeletegood luck on the job quitting thing. If you lived in Michigan, you wouldn't have to worry about taking that chance, odds are it would happen no matter what you did.
ReplyDeleteI've been living under the axe for the last five years, partly thanks to No Child Left Behind...(nothing like unfunded mandates from the Republicans)..and a dead meat economy in Michigan.
I think I'm a gonna go out and find me that book.
From this and other comments I've seen around the blog world, sounds like you've been having a bit of rough day, Stewart. I hope you feel better.
ReplyDeleteI've just spent the last 8 hours working on a new website for one of my new ventures that I hope to unveil in the next few months. I still need to hammer out some details, cross my legal "T"s and dot the legal "I"s before I can move any further, but I am at least making some movement.
As soon as I get those things squared away, I'll be putting out a call for short stories and novels in a variety of genres as well as original artwork (including fibre art and jewelry), so put on your thinking caps. :)
Kate, I'm really interested in seeing what you're planning to do. You can do it! You can, you can!
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing what happens when you decide enough is enough and things need to change. It's like a little set of dominoes falling over -- one after another, issues start to work out, seemingly for themselves.
ReplyDeleteIf you'd asked me four years ago if I thought in a few years I'd be gone from my torturous old job and that I'd be getting ready to shop a novel, I'd have laughed until I cried (and then probably kept crying). But, here I am, doing just that.
You'll get there. I'll keep my fingers crossed for sooner, rather than later.
Thanks, Edie and Avery. Today was another one of those days when the future just can't get here fast enough for me. :)
ReplyDeleteI have discovered a strange tendency in my own life along this line (putting what we desire "out there" to the universe in order to get it.) If I whine at someone (& therefore the universe,) about something bird-related I want, I tend to get it.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I whined at a friend that I could never find undamaged Canada goose flight feathers. Within a week or so I ended up working at a site where a nesting flock happened to be moulting. I still have dozens of those (magic?) feathers.
More recently, I was whining to my fiance about the fact that birds just won't come for the seed I put out on our stump in the backyard. 2 days later the stump was inundated with birds & has been ever since.
The universe is a funny thing...
It is funny how that works, isn't it? Thanks for stopping by, Lana. :)
ReplyDeleteIt just happened again, & this time I wasn't even whining. I commented to Charles last night that typically only one or maybe two birds will eat off the stump at a time (many more eat off the ground.) As such, I was considering rolling out a few other "chunks" of tree trunk we have out toward the stump to offer more feeding platforms for the birds. Voila! This morning I counted 15 sparrows all on the stump at once.
ReplyDeleteI mentioned to Charles today that the birds don't seem to notice the sunflower seed feeder I purchased recently, which means it should be covered in birds by tomorrow.
We shall see...
How funny, Lana. I'm curious to see if they find the sunflowers.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm getting to the point where I can hardly believe it...Charles & I were out on the deck this past Friday & I lamented (again,) that none of the birds seemed to "get" the sunflower feeder. Literally immediately afterward, a tufted titmouse popped down & started eating out of it (& has been using it daily since.)
ReplyDeleteI've since started complaining that the birds haven't been bringing me wads of cash. *L*
LOL, Lana! Let me know how that works out for you - I may want to try it. :)
ReplyDelete