(Or, alternately titled, "Whereat Kate Gets Her @ss Kicked Again, But in a Good Way")
Magical Mondays started as a way to share some of the unusual and sometimes sublime moments of intuition and unexplained phenomena people experience on occasion. Sometimes the events are striking, sometimes subtle. The past two weeks have been the latter for me.
A week ago, I took a few minutes a day to ask my subconscious to tell me what I really wanted. After a few days, it suddenly showed me a clear picture.
However, over the past two weeks, I've also been experiencing a great deal of stress at work and have had several "aha" moments where I've realized that I've let other people walk all over me my entire life. Then, during the past couple of days of peak stress and aggravation, I started asking myself: Have I done something to contribute to these people thinking they can be such jerks to me? Am I enabling their condescension? Is there some part of me that really believes I deserve it?
But then I kept thinking that, no, I truly didn't believe that they were better than I am, so what was the deal? Were they simply buttheads and I was innocent of any fault? But if that was the case, why did they bother me so much?
So, once more I put out a call to my subconscious/higher self/universe/guardian angel/collective unconscious/god/higher power/whomever (as Wayne Dyer says, you can call it "Louise" if you like), and asked, what am I missing here?
After asking again before I went to bed last night, I had the following dream...
I had gone into a cellar to get some rope then saw that it wasn't a cellar, but it was my grave. Even though I was still alive, I knew the future me was dead and buried in there just behind a door to my right. There was mold all around and it was pretty creepy. I was both fascinated and scared by my own grave, but realized I shouldn't be in there just yet. As I walked out of it and shut the door firmly behind me, a song started playing very loudly, and these were the words:
It doesn't matter how young or old you are.
It doesn't matter what you do.
It doesn't matter what they think,
If you matter to you.
Do you?
Do you matter?
Do you matter to you?
I woke up suddenly from the dream with the song still playing in my head, and knew it really doesn't matter what those supercilious sh*ts think. I DO matter to me, and they're about to find out just how much. I'm not ready to lie down and die just yet. :)
How about you? Anything feel particularly empowering lately?
Wow! That was a powerful post! Good for you.
ReplyDeleteI've been saying for a couple months now that my decision to go indie has empowered me bigtime. No more queries, no more synopses, no more teachers' dirty looks. lol
With your new attitude, I think your life is going to change for the better.
Thanks, Edie. Let's hope so. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've gone indie, too, because now I can read your books! :) Am also glad that you're excited and feeling good about the decision.
Cool dream. I've had music play in my dreams before, and they always seem so powerful while they are happening. But I don't usually get the words so clearly as you did here.
ReplyDeleteCharles, that's the way it usually is with me, too. The songs seem so significant in the dream, but then I can't really remember them later, or if I do remember them, the words don't really make much sense in the light of day.
ReplyDeleteThat's what made this one all the more powerful for me.
Don't "they" call this epiphany? It's a great realization.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had such a thing happen to me recently. But I do recall the most powerful such moment in my life. It was the day I truly believed what my mom had always tried to teach me...honor is found not only in the type of service, but in the act of service itself.
Cool dream realization. Unfortunately I'm not so empowered right now. I believe I just ruined my latest painting--which was almost finished. Fixing it (if possible,) would require painting over a LOT of already completed stuff. I don't know if it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling more and more empowered by the day-- but then, in the immortal words of Ice-T, "Any problem I got I just put my fist in."
ReplyDelete(Metaphorically, of course. That's not an admission of guilt and you can't prove anything. Besides, I somewhere else when it happened...) :-)
*REALLY* cool dream, though!!! :-D
ReplyDeleteLana, maybe you just need to sleep on it a while? If you set it aside and go back to it in a couple of weeks, you might see some way of salvaging it. That's worked for me before, anyway. Good luck! :)
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear it, Steve. And I saw you at home watching TV during that time. It couldn't have been you.
Great dream. One of my favorite sayings of all time (and one I frequently repeat to myself and others): Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
ReplyDelete