Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Time Out

It has been brought to my attention rather forcefully this year that I only have so much time and energy to go around (who knew?), and so I've decided to go into a self-imposed exile for the next year.  I'll be taking down my website and other blogs, and just leaving this one up, because I know that I won't be able to stay completely away. I'd miss you guys too much.  :)

However, I've had a few late night/early morning epiphanies that have left me with the decision to take a year off from attempting to write and create art for profit.  For the next year, I hope to focus on solely the love of the craft(s), as well as reaching deep to discover the things most important to me.  You'd think those things would be self-evident, but they really haven't been for almost two decades now.  I'm calling this: "The Year of Living Honestly: Finding Purpose and Courage in Truth."

Lofty, huh? :)

Yet, it's true.  I've been prone to depression most of my life and felt it coming back lately.  Upon further examination, I discovered that my life has been completely lacking in what I'd call honest purpose since I gave up my religion, husband, and most family and friends 16 years ago.  During one of those 3am soul-searching sessions recently, I asked myself how it was that I used to be so sure of myself, so brave in doing many things that did not come naturally to me, and realized that it was because I BELIEVED in what I was doing. I had the courage of conviction.  Can't say that I've been convinced of much of anything in a long, long time.

Hence, a desire to find out what, if anything, means so much to me that I'd be willing to face anything to protect it.  And to figure that out with as little stress as possible.  I can't quit the day job just yet (much as I would love to!) - still have bills and daughter's tuition to pay.  Though, who knows... I may yet do so.  Her education is important to me, but how it gets achieved and paid for is always up for review.  As are those bills... :)

Nevertheless, I can stop stressing about trying to write, paint, etc. and all the promotional work involved in that to make money from it (which I haven't been doing lately anyway because I haven't had the energy to keep up with it all).  So... that's it.  I'm going to do my best to just create for the sheer joy of it, for the learning that will come from that, and not stress myself out. 

I'll be honest with myself and others about how much I can, or cannot, do.  I'm resolving to not friendly with people I don't like just because they'd be useful to know in my job.  I won't smile at liars, I won't glare at friends, I won't enable the weak to maintain their weaknesses (or my own), and hopefully, I'll find some peace.

Wish me luck. :)


  1. Good luck and big hugs. I hope you find your passion again and that a story will come to you that you'll HAVE to write or an image that you HAVE to paint. In the meantime, relax and enjoy life.

  2. Thanks, Edie. We'll see how long I can last. :) I do love all the fun that goes with publishing - the submissions, the wait, the editing, the cover art, the release - I may still just release some of my own before it's all over. :) In the meantime, though, one day at a time.

  3. Stay close to comforting friends and family. Unconditional love can't and won't be hidden from you.
    There will be challanging days, weeks and months ahead so be strong and you will find your pathway.


  4. Our only real work of art is ourselves, and sometimes you really have to spend the time and do the work for it. Luck with everything. We'll be thinking of you and wishing you well.

  5. Do what you need to do for you, hon. Lately I've been considering quitting painting altogether & focusing solely on photography (which is easier, cheaper & brings in more $.) Best of luck to you, hon.

  6. Soul searching is an intensely personal journey. Of course I wish you the best.

  7. *hugs* I'll miss you Kate, but I totally understand. I feel a bit overwhelmed lately, myself! Email me anytime, and much good luck! *hugs*

  8. Hey, don't forget us entirely!

    I wish you well, Kate. Email me if you ever need to talk.

  9. Good for you! Go enjoy your craft. We'll all still be rattling around when you get back.

  10. Hey, thanks everyone for your kind words and support. It has meant a lot to me even though I haven't been around much.

  11. PS: Lana, I think whether you focus on painting or photography, you'll do very well - you are so talented and your work is beautiful!


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