Fear

A little while ago, I mentioned in an email to Edie Ramer that I needed to re-read a blog she once posted on overcoming the fear of writing a book that feels "too big." She informed me that she never blogged about that subject.

Oh, the old gray mare ain't what she used to be... now I don't remember where I read it since it was at least a couple of years ago. Does that topic ring any bells, anyone? :)

See, Edie was kind enough to read a little something I sent her, and she said she liked the excerpt from a series idea I've been working on. It's an idea that I really like, but... I'm terrified of writing it! I'm afraid I'm not up to the task, so I put it away, but it keeps tapping on my shoulder. I've even started writing little out of order bits from across all three "planned" books in an effort to still get something down, but not freak myself out so much by actually writing sequential chapters.

And darn it, I love those little bits I've got so far. They tease me just enough to say "this could be really good" but I'm still terrified of going for the whole enchilada. I'm thinking maybe I should just keep writing these short paragraphs out of order to fool myself until eventually, I've got the whole darn thing written. ;)

All over the 'net and in various books you can find the advice to "just write, don't be afraid to suck, just get the words down and you can fix them later." This is probably great advice. Or would be, if I could just get past this phobia.

Any suggestions? Any idea where I read that other blog? :)

Congratulations, Edie!

Edie Ramer finally took the plunge and uploaded "Cattitude" to Smashwords. You can find it here: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/22350.

Ebook Description:

It's all in the Cattitude... After Belle the cat switches bodies with a psychic on the run from a murderer, she wants her perfect cat body back instead of this furless human one. But she doesn’t count on falling in love with her former owner. Or that a CEO and a beauty queen want to use up her nine lives. Now is her chance to prove anything a human can do, a cat can do better.

I just finished reading (and enjoying) Cattitude this morning. There were places where I laughed out loud, like the reaction of Belle while she's reading Harry Potter and realizes that if she turns back into a cat soon, she won't be able to finish the series.

Good job, Edie! :)

Times, they are a changin'

Day after tomorrow I'll be taking my daughter to the airport, where she'll board a plane for Phoenix with very little by way of plan once she arrives. My brother is at least going to pick her up and let her stay with him for a week or two while she looks for an apartment and/or roommates. And she won't listen to anyone who tries to talk her out of this.

At her age, I was much the same. Sometimes, I still am willing to take that blind leap of faith with no net. BUT, I'm her mother, so that's different. :) I'm also currently, as she would put it, "tweaking out" badly. My nerves are shot.

Meanwhile, to take my mind off this, I read an old Kathleen E. Woodiwiss novel the other day, and realized about three pages into it, that it would never have been accepted for publication today. Editors and agents would have passed immediately without reading beyond the first couple of pages due to all the head-hopping, impossible point of view sentences, and info dumps. The book was published in 1982, and in the 70's and 80's, Ms. Woodiwiss's books were always best sellers.

I did find the story hard to follow sometimes because of the same-sentence point of view shifts, and can see why that became a major no-no. But other times the head hopping actually added a bit for me when it kept the pace moving, rather than having to start another lengthy bit with another character's POV. I just found it ironic that a best seller from twenty years ago would not get very far if the first few chapters were submitted to an agent or editor today.

I wonder how things will change over the next two decades? Any thoughts?

Wow, Really?

Has it actually been four years since I started this blog? I just looked back at my archives and saw my very first post was July 30, 2006. Amazing how time flies when you're having fun. :)

Over the course of that time, I've seen lots of commenters, very few commenters, made new friends, been out of commission for while, and come back again. Thank you to those of you who have stuck with me - getting to know you through this medium has been so rewarding. It's like visiting favorite family members and friends that you don't see often - always happy to see you.

And in other news...

I mentioned the Smashwords people yesterday, but let's not forget the Kindle folks. Charles Gramlich has published a collection of short westerns on Amazon called "Killing Trail." I've just started my copy and am enjoying it so far.

Also waiting for the new releases from Ferrel Rick Moore and Stewart Sternberg. Will post more about that when it happens.

Any publishing news you'd like to share? (Edie Ramer, if you're out there - when is "Cattitude" coming out? Not to be pushy or anything...) :)

Last Chance

Last call is almost up for Avery DeBow's Mad Lib "Junket City", as well as today is the last day you can get Amber Scott's "Play Fling" (currently in the top 25 best sellers on Smashwords) free with the promotional coupon.

Steve Malley has published his novel "Crossroad Blues" there as well, and I have "Unmasked" for free during the July promotion as well. Oh, and after you've checked out Steve's book page, you should really take a look at his tattoo art. Now I wish I were in New Zealand so I could get one. :)

Forgive me for not getting this up earlier. I've been busy, busy, busy with working the day job, gearing up to do my yearly Halloween art sale, creating cover art with Cobblestone Press, and just trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up.

Words of Wisdom from My Bus Driver

"A closed mouth doesn't get fed."

So, your assignment this weekend, should you choose to accept it, is to get out there and ask for what you want. :)

Magical Mondays: Songs from the Subconscious

(Or, alternately titled, "Whereat Kate Gets Her @ss Kicked Again, But in a Good Way")

Magical Mondays started as a way to share some of the unusual and sometimes sublime moments of intuition and unexplained phenomena people experience on occasion. Sometimes the events are striking, sometimes subtle. The past two weeks have been the latter for me.

A week ago, I took a few minutes a day to ask my subconscious to tell me what I really wanted. After a few days, it suddenly showed me a clear picture.

However, over the past two weeks, I've also been experiencing a great deal of stress at work and have had several "aha" moments where I've realized that I've let other people walk all over me my entire life. Then, during the past couple of days of peak stress and aggravation, I started asking myself: Have I done something to contribute to these people thinking they can be such jerks to me? Am I enabling their condescension? Is there some part of me that really believes I deserve it?

But then I kept thinking that, no, I truly didn't believe that they were better than I am, so what was the deal? Were they simply buttheads and I was innocent of any fault? But if that was the case, why did they bother me so much?

So, once more I put out a call to my subconscious/higher self/universe/guardian angel/collective unconscious/god/higher power/whomever (as Wayne Dyer says, you can call it "Louise" if you like), and asked, what am I missing here?

After asking again before I went to bed last night, I had the following dream...

I had gone into a cellar to get some rope then saw that it wasn't a cellar, but it was my grave. Even though I was still alive, I knew the future me was dead and buried in there just behind a door to my right. There was mold all around and it was pretty creepy. I was both fascinated and scared by my own grave, but realized I shouldn't be in there just yet. As I walked out of it and shut the door firmly behind me, a song started playing very loudly, and these were the words:

It doesn't matter how young or old you are.
It doesn't matter what you do.
It doesn't matter what they think,
If you matter to you.
Do you?
Do you matter?
Do you matter to you?

I woke up suddenly from the dream with the song still playing in my head, and knew it really doesn't matter what those supercilious sh*ts think. I DO matter to me, and they're about to find out just how much. I'm not ready to lie down and die just yet. :)

How about you? Anything feel particularly empowering lately?

And just for fun...

Two posts in one day - a new record. ;)

Got this little gadget from Jennifer Armintrout's blog. I thought the result was interesting since the excerpt I used was from my latest WIP - one that is darker than any other I've done so far, even though the paragraphs I used weren't really dark.

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Try it - I'd like to see your results. :)

Dream a little dream with me...

Amber Scott had a fun challenge on her blog the other day. Basically, it's a 10 minute meditation/positive visualization exercise where you hold a strong image of your heart's desire in your mind for ten minutes a day for one week. She is going to check back on everyone in a week to see how they feel.

I threw my hat in the ring... sat down to do my ten minutes... and realized I had no idea what my heart's desire really was! That turned into two days of just spending those ten daily minutes asking my subconscious to dig up what I really wanted, what would make me glow with happiness. But make it something selfish, please. Sure, we'd all like world peace, an end to hunger, etc. But what about ME? What would tingle my pringle in the meantime while we're all hoping for whirled peas?

Then, quite strongly, I had an image of myself in the kitchen, painting. It was a flashback to a day when I realized I was really happy, and that I had never been so happy in my life. That was almost three years ago now, and I haven't felt that good since. I miss it. And the key to that happiness was that I was solely working for myself, on my own schedule, doing the things I love to do. I was writing, painting, and sculpting daily. My daughter and I were spending enjoyable moments together - there was no stress of going to a day job I hated. I had enough money to get by then. That was it. That's what I want.

That's not too much to ask, is it? Now, you try it. Feel free to share it here if you want, or just hold it close to your heart and smile mysteriously. :)

Meanwhile, today is my daughter's 18th birthday, Lana Gramlich has a new book of her photographs out, and her husband, Charles, just published a collection of Westerns. Congratulations to all. :)

Following Yonder Star...

In the past, I've blogged a lot about the power of positive thinking, but haven't touched much on the following words of wisdom from Terry Pratchett in his book, The Wee Free Men:

"Now...if you trust in yourself..."

"...and believe in your dreams..."

"... and follow your star..."

"...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy."

:)

This has been brought home to me rather sharply lately. Now, mind you, I did trust myself, believe in my dreams, etc., and that paid off. However, it only partially paid off, because I also wasn't learning and working hard enough. (Hence, my now 3 "ok" reviews, as well as seeing much better cover art than what I've produced - created by people who have spent years practicing their craft.)

Now, I still completely believe in the power of positive thinking and visualization, but I've also come to realize that I need to back that up with real elbow grease as well. Lots of practice to become better at what I want to do, and not just sit around thinking it will all be magically handed to me.

NYT Bestselling author Jennifer Ashley kept a blog in the years just before she was published (and during the years that I remember her from the Desert Rose RWA when I lived in Arizona) all about her doubts and struggles while trying to get published. She has since moved on to blogging about what it's like to make a living as a full-time writer. I went back and re-read some of those posts the other day, and found them inspiring - and enlightening.

In other words, I got a necessary @$$ kicking. ;) (Which has actually been going on for days, as you can see from my "back to the drawing board" post.)

So, once more I'm taking stock of what I still have to learn, where I need to improve, and trying to force myself to get my act together and produce some quality work. Not just sit around and daydream about it.

In what areas are you trying to improve?

Almost Magical Monday

I've been meaning to start up my "Magical Monday" posts again, but it seems like there's always something that comes up before I get to it.

So, meanwhile, let me offer you another Monday tradition that I think you'll enjoy reading: Amber Scott's Motivational Mondays. They are just that: motivational, and often magical as well. :) You can find a listing of them here: http://en.wordpress.com/tag/motivational-mondays/ or at her blog, http://amberscottproject.wordpress.com/.

I loved her series on "book babies" and "book parenting."

For more inspiration, Zoe Winters is also blogging over at Magical Musings about her journey in self-publishing as well. This was interesting for me, because I know a lot of people who are now trying that route, and I've started to dabble in it as well. (Just FYI - I'm not talking about the "you pay big bucks for someone to print a bunch of books that you have to buy yourself" type of self-publishing here, but a whole different venue where your upfront costs can be nearly zero and your profit is your own.)

Is there anything you've found particularly interesting or helpful lately that you'd like to share? Topic doesn't matter - just something you've enjoyed. :)

Back to the Drawing Board

Well, it's been a hectic couple of months with many stops, starts, and sputters. I'll spare you the gory details and get right to lessons learned.

One, life is tricky, messy and unpredictable. (Yeah, you'd think I'd know that already, but I seem to keep needing reminders.)

Two, sometimes because of number one above, you just have to hit the reset button and start over.

Three, starting over can be a good thing.

The whole Maine move is on hold right now (job description & funding changed, they offered the possibility of another one in a few months - but too late for me due to lease renewal dates.)

Soooooooo, that gave me a little more time to think about things and where I *hope* to be headed over the next year. (Notice I said "hope" - not plan. I'm done with planning for now. I'll just hope, try to do what I can, and see what shakes out, because really, we don't have nearly as much control over things as we'd like.)

Thus, saddled with my "what now?" funk, I had a little more time on my hands last weekend and attended an intense online workshop with Cobblestone Press on creating cover art. At the end of it, they chose to contract three new cover artists - and one of them was me. That was unexpected and exciting. :)

At some point during that weekend, I had mentioned to someone how once, after reading a story I'd written, a friend of mine made the comment that I should stick to painting. Ouch. Then, after seeing 5 new reader reviews of Managing Maggie on Fictionwise (the scale being great, good, ok, and poor) - one said great, one good, two just ok, and one said it was poor. Ouch again. Even if you take out the cheerleader and the hater, you're still left with just one "good" and two "meh, it was ok. Take it or leave it."

It made stop and think about what I was doing, what needed work, and whether I'm really cut out for this. I have to admit I felt like throwing in the towel. But after a few hours of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to use it to my advantage. It made me even more determined to prove them wrong, just like I did with that "stick to artwork, babe" friend of mine. (Just for the record, I was published before she was, so *there* pfft.) ;)

It also made me realize I was shortchanging the readers who kindly took a chance on me when I didn't give it everything I had. So now, I'm back to the drawing board. Lots of work ahead of me. I just hope I'm up to the task.

Any insights into your own life/writing lately that you'd like to share? Anything in particular you do to pick yourself up and start over?

Conflicted

Well, I just put the finishing touches tonight on a short story I've had kicking around for a while. As I read it one last time, something kept bothering me, but I couldn't put my finger on it at first. The writing was clean. The dialogue was cute. The characters were fairly engaging. I smiled in parts... but... but... still, somehow... overall it was BORING.

It took me a few minutes to figure out what should have been blazingly obvious from the start: there was NO conflict. None, whatsoever. Attractive girl and attractive guy meet and are attracted to each other. They hook up. The end.

Gaack!!!!!!!! How did I miss that while writing and editing almost 7000 words? Now, do I go back and torture them? Throw in a time bomb and a runaway freight train? Give one of them amnesia or sudden desire for a sex change operation?

Now *I* have conflict. It's a Christmas story, so I have plenty of time to revise it. Yet part of me just wants to leave it as is and forget about it. I'm tired of looking at it. I could also just put it up on Smashwords as a free download. Yet... that's probably not the best idea if I'm trying to build readership. The other option is to forget it completely and pretend it never existed.

Sigh...

I'm also in the middle of trying to pack up my place to be ready to move by the end of next month, which means I really have to be ready by the end of this month, since I have to give my landlady notice and she'll want to bring people through. I really don't have time to worry about a story with no conflict. I have enough conflict of my own, right? Because I've also been in the process of interviewing for a job in Maine, and they're pretty interested in me right now. And moving across country (again!) is a huge undertaking.

Regardless of where I end up, I still have to move out of my current place so I can afford to pay college tuition for my daughter. And maybe one thing that would help with that tuition might be selling more books... hmm.... I think I see two tortured heroes coming up.

How are you doing? Any editing woes or victories to report?

Under Stress and Under the Wire

I just now finished filing my state and federal taxes. Nothing like those last minute deadlines to get the adrenaline flowing. Any other hold-outs out there?

I'm supposed to be on vacation this week, but today has felt just like another stressful work day. It started with a dozen little things this morning, and then the car broke down this afternoon, and I have no idea why. I haven't even been up to calling AAA to come take it away to the mechanic. Seriously. Just can't deal with it today, because I also knew I had to hurry and finish my taxes. In fact, I was on my way to buy tax software when the car quit. Fortunately, was able to file online after two hours worth of stops and starts.

Anyhoodles.... what I'd really love right now is to read a completely awesome book. You know, that kind that you'll always remember, and leaves you with just an indescribable feeling after you've read it; and if it's a series, you anxiously count the days until the next one. I haven't had one of those in a while. I've had a few book "crushes" lately, but I miss that falling head-over-heels in love feeling.

I'd really like for Calgon and a good book to take me away. Any suggestions out there?

(And for those of you who know her, doesn't this cute picture remind you of Marcia Colette? lol)

Currently reading...

"Hotter After Midnight" by Cynthia Eden.

Dr. Emily Drake's psychotherapy patients tend to be a little unusual. Instead of midlife crises and mother fixations, Emily treats vampires with blood phobias and sex-demons looking for meaningful relationships. But healing these powerful beings requires an important rule: Never trust a shifter. Especially not one like Detective Colin Gyth, whose gold-flecked eyes and predatory air make Emily realize how much she longs to lose control...Colin can't believe the doctor he has to work with on the Night Butcher murder case is the one person who could expose his true identity as a wolf shifter. Smart and sexy, Emily brings out the alpha male in Colin, unleashing a wild desire that takes them both over the edge...But in the shadows, the Night Butcher waits, eager to spill Emily's blood and taste her terror. And he'll use any means to destroy her, including the one person she has grown to trust...

So far, so good. A lot of cute riffs on her clients - a vampire who's afraid of blood, a succubus who wants to be seen as more than a sex object. I'm looking forward to finishing it tonight.

What's on your reading table right now?

Gotta love Chicago weather...

I'm looking forward to the migraine this weekend will bring. :-P














So, how's by you?

Magical Mondays: Boob Wishes Strike Again!

(Yes, it's Sunday right now, but I might not have time tomorrow.)

For those of you who aren't familiar with "boob wishes", it's when you write down three things you'd like to have happen in a month, and keep it in your bra... or pants pocket, or wherever. :)

About a month ago, I was just daydreaming of a few things I'd like to have happen and wrote just two of them down. One: I'd like to be able to work part-time, and two: I'd like for my novella to be a best seller at Cobblestone Press, even though I didn't really expect either of those things to happen. I just put that in my purse and forgot about it.

Well, about a week ago, I was having a rough day at work and wishing the timing was right for me to ask my boss about taking off one day a week. It's a really busy time for us right now, and I figured the timing was bad to ask. But about an hour later, she asked me to come to her office and said she had good news for me. See, one of the things I HATE about my job, is that somehow I got stuck doing the class registrations and other admin work after the woman who used to do it had to quit. It was never part of my job description, and daily made me want to jab sharpened pencils into my ears.

My boss said she'd spoken to her boss about the possibility of hiring someone to take over that aspect of things, since it really wasn't something I should be doing and would take a lot off my plate. It was the perfect opening to bring up the part-time goal. She was very open to it, though she did say it probably wouldn't happen until after June. Hey, as long as there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I can wait a couple more months. :)

And as for the second wish, as you can see from this post, I was just as surprised as anybody. :)

Now I wish I'd written down a third thing, lol. Maybe next month... :)

Any good news in your life lately that you'd like to share?

Shiver me timbers...

For those of you who enjoy a little tingle of fear, let me present Charles Gramlich's "Chimes".

For those of you who may not be familiar with Charles, he's a psychology professor and writer who lives in Louisiana with his equally talented wife--photographer and artist Lana Gramlich. Both of their blogs are worth following. Charles posts thought provoking blogs about writing and has quite a following; Lana's photographs are incredibly beautiful. Apart from that, they're just so darn cute. ;) (And now probably hate me, lol) But seriously, they're so supportive of one another that it always makes me smile to read their comments.

However, this post is about Charles's short thriller, Chimes. I thought this was going to be a horror story, and it was - but more in a Hitchcock horror kind of way. That is, more buildup of mental and emotional tension rather than a string of gory monster scenes.

I've read Charles's work before and one thing that I always take away from them is how deftly he creates a mood using scenery, sounds, and "average Joe" characters to build tension.

In Chimes, the protagonist, a woman, is alone in the house except for her sleeping baby, when she realizes there's an intruder. In one scene, she has to search for a flashlight in the dark and must reach into a closet, not really knowing where the intruder might be hiding.

"She wanted to run. Instead, she forced herself to open the closet and reach in for the Maglite, her skin crawling as the sleeves of raincoats and old sweaters brushed against her hands like the shed husks of monstrous insects."

That made MY skin crawl. And every time I thought I had this all figured out, he'd surprise me with a new twist. All in all, very creepy and enjoyable.

Charles has also written a number of other horror and fantasy fiction novels and short stories, as well as non-fiction work on writing. You can also listen to one of his short horror works, Thief of Eyes, in Sidney Williams podcasts, Fear on Demand. The line from that which hooked me was right from the start:

"She had lips that Satan dreamed of in his long fall to hell."

Loved that. :)

So, have you read anything lately, other than the daily news, which made your skin crawl?

Hey, who knew?!

I just went to Cobblestone Press's new site, Cobblestone After Dark, and look what I found on the front page! I had no idea! Big, big hugs and thanks to everyone who purchased. :)

Now I can call myself a "Best Selling Author", LOL.