I'm so confused!

I've spent a lot of time and money trying to learn as much as I can about writing and publishing--I've read all the recommended books, I've bookmarked the appropriate agent/editor/publisher sites, I've scoured the blogs and libraries--I've done my homework.

Now, I'm the type of person who looks out at the world in search of patterns; it comforts me to note the connections and consistencies between cultures, ideas and just about everything in general. I figured I would be able to do my homework, take note of what the experts were saying, and then go out and find great examples in books past and present to support their points.

What I've learned is that in spite of what all the editors and agents say, the books they actually publish break every "rule" they claim to enforce. The prose is more purple than Barney the dinosaur's butt. Magical, wandering body parts appear on every page: eyes roam, pierce, drill and steam. Hearts lurch, jump, and slide out of place so often the cardiologists must be in heaven. The characters still hiss, slam, fling and toss out their dialogue--and they not only hiss it, they hiss is silkily, angrily, whatever-ly.

What gives?

As if that weren't betrayal enough, I've also learned that my work is no good if I don't have a theme, character arcs, follow mythological journeys with characters that represent archetypes from our collective unconscious. I'm supposed to clearly define ahead of time what I want each scene to accomplish and not confuse it with a serial.

And here I thought I was just trying to tell a fun story with fun characters.

Avery DeBow has a great blog about this type of intimidation on his MySpace blog. I wish he'd post it to his regular blog where anyone could see it. I did write to him this morning and asked if he'd let me quote it, or if he'd publish it where I could link to it so you could all enjoy his take on the subject. However, I'm impatient and started writing without him. :) I would imagine he's somewhere actually having a life right now instead of hanging out in front of the computer on a Saturday afternoon. At least, I hope he is.

So, I've just added one more resolution to this year's list. Screw the experts. I'm just going to write the stories as best I can and leave it at that. Sure, I'll still do some research into what the editors/agents are looking for, but only for such things as do they not publish sf/f, romance etc., so that I don't submit to the wrong one. After that, well, I'll just make mistakes and be glorious. :)

Free Fallin' Friday

I'm probably about to offend lots of people here, but never let it be said I left the thing half-done. :)

I recently discovered there is actually a new fiction genre out there--Christian Erotica. Yep. It's true. And, if like it did to me, this comes as news to you, I hope you weren't drinking something when you read it. The first time I saw it, I thought it was a joke. They're kidding, right? I mean, isn't that an oxymoron? What's it about? What defines it? Is it because they scream "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God" in the throes of passion? Is it Jim Bakker's life story?

Apparently not. From what I can gather, it's hotter right now than a simonist in the eighth circle of hell. I still can't wrap my head around it. Maybe that's because I spent so many years in a fundamentalist Christian cult (sad but true, and probably TMI) so I can't imagine what this could be like or who would read it. Just boggles the mind. Are they giving them away as prizes during Bingo? Does the marquee outside the church read: Our fundraiser needs your support--come Sunday for pancakes and porn!

OK, I'm sorry. In fact, I know of a very talented writer who is writing one now, and I'm sure she can pull it off, though even she admitted to struggling with the concept. So with that in mind, I'm offering my sincere (and I do mean that) apologies to the writers and buyers of CE. I may not be able to understand it, but that could be because I'm a mannerless cretin who giggles during church. Ask anybody.

Thrifty Thursdays

The UPS man just left behind a box of seven books that I had ordered using the book store gift card my brother gave me for Christmas. I wish now that I'd had my epiphany from earlier this week before I ordered the books--I might have made some changes. For example, I would have bought another copy of "Your Money or Your Life" by Joe Dominguez--a book I had before, but accidentally gave away. (don't ask)

However, I'm still excited by what I did get. I went crazy in the bargain bin - seven books under $25 - I think that's thrifty. :)

Among them were "Ciao Italia - Bringing Italy Home: Regional Recipes, Flavors and Traditions as Seen on the Public Television Series Ciao Italia" by Mary Ann Esposito (I always loved that show); "Edit Yourself: A Manual for Everyone Who Works with Words" by Bruce Ross-Larson (I need that - I can edit others, but not myself); "The Element Encyclopedia of Magical Creatures" by John & Caitlin Matthews (I've heard this is great for people who write books with magical elements) and Stephen R. Covey's "First Things First."

Looking at the Covey book, I was a little sceptical about somebody known for working with corporate leaders being able to put "first things first", but I came across this in the first few pages. After explaining some of the sections, he says: "Finally, we'll take a look at "first things"--and our basic human needs and capacities to live, to love, to learn, and to leave a legacy--and how to put them first by using our inner compass to align our lives with the "true north" realities that govern quality of life."

Aligning our lives with our "true north." I like that idea. I'll let you know more about the book once I finish reading it. In the meantime, as you can tell by the existential angst I've been pouring over this blog the past few days, I'm desperately trying to align my outer life with my inner life. I'm truly a simple person at heart; I could easily live in a one-room cabin in the woods (as long as I had an Internet connection *g*) and be quite content. I've read lots over the years about women who turned their backs on the corporate world, or head out to the country because it was a long-standing dream, or who raised families on their own with very little money--sometimes because they had no choice, sometimes because they chose to spend more time with their families. I find them inspirational.

Since I'm fairly tired right now, and since my computer keeps freezing, I'm just going to leave you with a link and a small tip. The link, The Garden of Simplicity by Duane Elgin has a nice article about the meaning of simplicity. As for the tip, if you've ever read a woman's magazine in your life you may have read this before; if not, here's one of my favorite "frugal living" tips. :)

Save the wrappers from sticks of butter or margarine. There's still enough butter on the wrapper that you can use it to grease baking pans. (You can keep them in a baggie in the refrigerator - if you have more than one, put a piece of wax paper between.) It really does make a nice, quick way to grease cake pans without wasting anything.

Congratulations Amber and Get Well Karen!

Taking a break from my self-indulgent whining to support my fabulous CPs, Amber and Karen, who have each been been experiencing some of life's ups and downs lately. Karen had surgery this week but is doing well, thank goodness, and Amber just got her first contract offer today - woohoo! :)

Writing Wednesdays

OK, yeah. I designated Wednesdays for writing topics, but things have been happening lately that are demanding my attention, causing me to question what I’ve been doing with my time, my skills, and my life and I can't seem to focus on much else. I suppose it’s timely--starting a new year defining ones values is not a bad thing, and I feel like I’ve not been making the best use of my time on earth lately.

Two more things happened today (that’s two in a long list of things) that pressed home the point yet again. One was a long, dreary staff meeting where I had to listen to other people being given sole credit for projects that I not only initiated, but also planned, developed and implemented through many hours of hard work. The other was a phone call from one of my daughter’s teachers about how she’s been cutting class and is close to failing. That’s been going on for a while now, and Emily is a very bright girl so there’s no academic excuse for her bad grades.

Obviously, something is wrong and I’m asking myself, I’ve been working long hours to provide a certain level of income for what? I know this is a common occurrence; if it weren’t, there wouldn’t be such sayings as “No one ever said on their deathbed, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.’” And while from time to time I have made breaks away from it, attempting to put first things first, it seems like I repeatedly allowed myself to be sucked back into the money-work-stress cycle.

I remember thinking some years ago that if I just had more money, everything would be okay. Well, now I’m making forty thousand more per year than I was then. (Not that I’m well off by any means; the fact that I’m up 40K simply speaks to how poor I was.) However, I’m no happier now than I was then. I’m just as stressed worrying about my kid, just as unhappy that I don’t have the time or energy to pursue the things I enjoy. So I asked myself, since money didn’t make a difference, what would? What am I missing? The answer was clear: time and purpose. I’ve been lacking both--then and now.

Actually, I’ve changed jobs on a couple of occasions to give myself more time, but I realize now that I still lacked purpose; or else, didn’t commit fully to whatever purpose I’d used as an excuse for quitting. I think those times I switched jobs was simply because I was burnt out, but told myself I was doing it for better reasons; yet once the fear of poverty set in, I went back to the grind.

I just took some time off from writing this blog to have a long talk with my daughter. After our discussion about her grades, I also told her that I’m going to ask my boss if I can go to part-time. Her first words were (in a panicky voice), “But won’t that mean you’ll be paid less?” I said yes, but the money wasn’t worth giving up my life. She said it would be for her. That led to a long discussion about values, reminders of how we lived before vs. how we live now and if we truly were any happier, and how short and unpredictable life really is: my younger brother died suddenly a couple of years ago from heart failure; he was only 31. I don’t expect her to change her way of thinking overnight, but I believe the seed was planted that one thing we can’t buy is the most valuable thing we can have: time for our loved ones, time for ourselves.

Now, I’ll try to bring this back around to writing. :) Going part-time will only just cover the bills. But the freedom to spend time with her, to give her the attention she needs, to do the things that make me happy such as writing and painting--that’s priceless. I believe I can only become a better writer, painter and most importantly, mother, because of it.

Sad start...

Well, I had designated Tuesdays for "tool tips" but I've spent several hours recovering from a blogger disaster (sigh...you'll notice the new temporary layout), then nearly forgot that I was supposed to be part of a publisher's chat for Aphrodite's Apples (My first author chat! I would have invited you but I forgot about it until it was already underway!)

Anyway, the point is, I got nuthin. I've been too busy actually taking care of technical difficulties to have time to write about them. I still need to update the links, background, etc. of the blog, but little by little. I also started a new blog, A Walk on the Weird Side, just for my non-romance works. I've had two stories bumping against my brain for some time now--one's been around for over a year, the other for the past few months--and they aren't exactly happily-ever-afters. In fact, one of them has no romantic elements at all, and the other... well, maybe it could be called "speculative romance." Not sure about that yet.

Oh, well. So how's your Tuesday shaping up? My ex once told me there's a saying in Mexico, "Los Martes son malos" - Tuesdays are bad. Let's hope that's not true. :)

Magical Mondays: The Power of Prayer

Since coming up with the idea for "Magical Mondays", I've had to work hard at figuring out where to start. There are so many things that I can think of to write about here, and one idea leads to another, many wonderful events are connected in a beautiful chain, so that I've been reeling trying to decide where to begin. Since this is the first one out of the gate, I decided to go with something simple.

From the time I was very young (around 3), I had a spiritual inclination that none of my family shared. I'm not even sure where or how it started, but it was there. Somehow, I learned about prayer and began doing it on my own very early on and now, some 40 years later, I can honestly say that I've never had a prayer go unanswered--no matter how large or small--even when the prayer wasn't formal, or even when I didn't know to what or whom I was praying.

As I'm typing, I'm flooded with images, big and small, of all the prayers that have been answered and am wondering which ones would be the best to write about. I've had major prayer answered, but I think my favorite, though, was a just a small one. It always touches me to remember it.

Several years ago, I lived next door to an elementary school. One day, I looked out the window and saw a little boy who looked to be about six or seven years old, standing far away from all the other children on the playground. He walked around by himself looking so sad, just watching while the other children played together. He was not well dressed, very overweight for his age, and not an attractive child; knowing how kids can be, it was easy to see he would have a hard time in school. My heart just broke for him. I watched for several minutes and no one spoke to him. Eventually, he walked away from the groups until he was at the side of the building, where he picked up a stick and started hitting it against the wall.

I kept hoping someone would notice him but they didn't, so I said a fervent prayer that someone would come and play with that him--give him just a few moments of happiness because he looked so sad. I heard the laundry buzzer go off and had to leave my spot at the window for a few minutes. When I came back, looked out again to check on him. He was now joined by another little boy and they were playing and laughing, and the look on his face was one of joy, as if he'd been given a wonderful gift.

It could be that it was his prayer that was answered that day; it could simply be that the second little boy was a good hearted soul (and I believe both those are true), but my prayer was also answered, and I'm still grateful that I saw a minor miracle take place. After all, any kindness is always a gift.

Organizing

If you have trouble posting/seeing posts, etc., know that I just switched to the new version of blogger, which is supposedly more reliable, but seeing as how I just got bumped off 5 times and received error messages 3 times when I tried to sign in, my faith is less than rock solid.

Anyway, I know that this blog tends to be just sputters & spurts from my brain, and after reading so many others with such useful information (ie, Magical Musings, Spyscribbler, Romancing the Blog and more) I'm thinking about making some changes - to offer you more substance and involvement.

As I was trying to think of things that I could offer, it came to me that I've had a LOT of incidents in my life that could be considered (depending on your point of view) as magical, miraculous, "meant to be", or just simply amazing coincidents. Whenever I'm feeling less than hopeful, it always helps to think of those incidents -- they give me confidence and faith. So, I thought about making Mondays "Magical Mondays" where I post examples of those times and ask for your magical moments. What do you think?

I also have a lot of experience with Microsoft Office products and HTML, so if anyone would like a "Tool Tips" Tuesday, let me know. :) As a single mom (and formerly displaced homemaker as well as former accountant) I also have a lot of experience with budgets - would a "Thrifty Thursday" appeal to anyone? Since most of us aren't raking in J.K. Rowling's earnings (yet! *g*), we could share living well on a shoestring tips. If not, no biggie. I can come up with something else. :)

"Writerly Wednesdays" could be where we post our current news, excerpts, links to helpful information, publishers/editors/writer's websites and news, as well as book reviews - what do you think about that?

That leaves me with "Free for All Fridays" - anything goes. (You know, the usual brain spurts. :)

I'm going to try to make Saturdays & Sundays the time where I get some actual work done on my WIPs and painting, and try to stay off the Internet. Yeah, we'll see how that goes. :)

On the other hand, if these ideas don't appeal to anyone, I can just keep up the usual prattle. :)

Small Pleasures

(Image copyright Robin Woods)

I recently went to Arizona to pack and mail the rest of the things I left behind when I moved last year. Some of the items have arrived and to my great pleasure, there were eight boxes of books and movies that made their way home. I was especially happy to see the books - all my beloved writing books, favorite novels and one that I had even forgotten that I bought just before I moved, "The Writer's Complete Fantasy Reference: An Indispensable Compendium of Myth and Magic from the Editors of Writer's Digests Books."

Woohoo! Happy days are here again! :o)

I was also pleased to see my Robin Woods tarot deck tucked in among them (I've missed it - bought another deck which was quite pretty, but not as satisfying as this one.) The first card I saw when I opened the box was the Queen of Pentacles (or coins) and she's one of my favorite cards. I love the pastoral setting of this card, all the greens and golds, the fruits and flowers, as she sits calm and contented, the soft little rabbits sheltered by her side. I always see her as a strong, independent and warm woman who has intelligently tended her gardens and crafts, and now enjoys the fruits of her labor with plenty to share. She's in control of her life and offers assistance to those who may need it, while being at peace with her own nature and surroundings. That's who I want to be when I grow up. :)

What's your passion?

This morning was yet another where I had to force myself to get out of bed and go into work; not because I was sick, but because I was BORED. Before I left the house, though, I took a minute to read email (of course *g*) and look at a bit of online news. I read this article and sat just staring at the computer screen for several minutes after. It was this line that really got to me:

"If you are this good at something you don't love, how good can you be at something you love?"

I have had a number of jobs over the last several years, some of which I absolutely hated, but all of which I did really well. Some of the jobs at which I excelled were ones where I didn't even know how to do it when I started; I had on-the-job-training or I self-taught. And the kicker is that I didn't like doing them. (Accounting, for example - I was really good at it but Hated it.)

So why, then, am I afraid I'll fail if I do what I love to do? It was all I could do at that point to keep from calling in my resignation. However, a bit of reality seeped in and I realized I need to plan first - I'll need to keep this job for a little longer, but that doesn't mean I can't start paving the way for following my dreams using my current salary as the base for getting there.

God willing and the creek don't rise, I'll do just that.

Book Reviews (well, sort of)

I just finished reading Tess Gerritson's blog on the reading preferences of men & women, and it reminded me of the past week I spent with my brother. He recommended S.M. Stirling's "Dies the Fire" trilogy to me, and I read those while I was there. (With a name like Stirling, he had to be good, right?)

I also found A. Lee Martinez' book, "In the Company of Ogres" lying about and read it too. After reading that one, I immediately went searching for more by the same author, and found "Gil's All Fright Diner" at Barnes & Noble which I finished on the plane ride home.

Now, here's where the tie-in with Gerritson's blog comes in. I enjoyed all of those books, (Ogres most of all) but my brother and I enjoyed them for entirely different reasons. When we discussed them, his emphasis was more on the technical/logical aspects of things, whereas my focus was on the relationships and the humor.

While reading the "Dies the Fire" trilogy, I tended to skim over the war strategies and the technical details - the very things my brother wanted to discuss - but I was riveted by the relationships, the things which made him roll his eyes and skip to the next page. However, each of us would recommend the books to others.

Something similar happened with the Martinez books. When we talked about how much we enjoyed them, and the parts we found most amusing, I mentioned some of the funny things the females in the book did and he didn't recall those right away; he mentioned the name of one of the minor male characters, and it took me a second to remember which one he was. I suppose the good news for both of those authors is that they wrote books that appeal to male & female readers. I'd like to do that someday.

Back to Civilization!

Well, my hands are still a little shaky, but my eye twitching is only slightly perceptible now... I think the symptoms of withdrawal are finally slowing down. *g*

Although it was wonderful to see my brother and meet his new fiancee (who is an absolutely lovely person inside and out) and also fun to see my critique gang after all these months, it's so good to be home and so good to be online again! :)
Thanks to Tempest and Edie for the welcome back. :o)

Here's wishing all of my online & offline friends a wonderful, safe & happy New Year!

Happy Holidays

Since I'll be leaving town soon and will be without Internet access for a week (gasp--oh the pain, the pain!), I want to wish all my web friends a safe, happy holiday season full of love and magic.

As a small gift, I'm also leaving you with a free holiday short story (age 18 and over only, please.) I hope you enjoy it. :)

A Christmas Tail

Tagged

Thanks to the lovely Michelle Diener, I've been tagged to fill out the following...

Four jobs I've had:
Homemaker :)
Credit Analyst
Office Manager
Tech writer/editor/web content manager (all part of the same job)

Four favorite foods:
Chicken mole
Quonset pizza (restaurant 20 miles away - I drive there just for the pizza)
Enchiladas
Pad Thai

Four movies I can watch over and over:
Love Actually
Truly Madly Deeply
Harry Potter (all of them)
Pride and Prejudice

TV Shows I enjoy:
Mystery (PBS - pretty much all of their mystery series)
Coupling

Four places I've traveled:
After reading about all the great places other people have been, I'm embarrassed to say I've never been out of the states!
Nevertheless, I've seen quite a bit of my own country, so to pick just four favorites: Tennessee, Arizona, Virginia, Minnesota

Four websites I visit daily:
I visit Magical Musings and MySpace every day, but there are many websites and blogs that I visit several times a week to see if there's anything new, such as (in no particular order):

Edie Ramer
Michelle Diener
Liz Kreger
http://theresamonsey.blogspot.com/
Lynne Simpson
The Gab Wagon
Spyscribbler
Karin Tabke
Amy Knupp
Delightful Chaos
Writ 72 (Whom I would have tagged, but I'll excuse her because she's been ill lately) :)
HH Self
Sabrina Luna
Kayleigh Jamison
Candice Gilmore
HS Kinn
The Midnight Hour

And many more . . .

Four people I'm tagging to do this (and I do hope they'll forgive me!) :)
Chaos Delight
Sabrina Luna
Spyscribbler
Vincent (HH Self)

Hmm... I'm starting to see why I never get anything done - too much darned time on the Internet! :)

I'm a Real Boy!

Well, maybe not. :)

But I'm finally starting to feel like a "real" writer. The editor/webmistress of Aphrodite's Apples sent out a request to their newest authors (Yolanda Sfetsos, Tyree Kimber and yours truly) to send in their bios and photos for their website. It's finally starting to sink in.

Now, when I actually see it in "print" - I'll really crow. :)

Guerilla Marketing

I thought I'd share some techniques that people are using to market their books in cheap, easy and unexpected ways. One website I found (Speculations.com) had some interesting posts Market Chat: Guerilla Marketing for Writers. I recommend reading it - I found some ideas other than the usual "get a website" and "join readers groups" (both of which are still good ideas!)

I liked the idea of having flyers about your book if you're doing a signing (ok, I'm so not there yet, but I still thought it was a good idea. :)) There are also people who slip their bookmarks and business cards in with the checks when they pay their bills - an idea I plan to use. In the website above, there are a couple of interesting posts on getting in good with your local librarian. I've also heard to ask the library if you can leave a stack of your bookmarks on their counter and that most of them are amenable to this idea. They are also usually excited if you offer to teach a workshop about writing. I'm probably too introverted to pull something like that off, but the more gregarious among you may be able to. :)

Taking the library idea a little further, I plan on leaving bookmarks in books that are similar to mine in the library, as if they were accidentally left behind. :) I think I'll slip in a few business cards or markers on key shelves at bookstores, too, if I can get away with it. :)

I also saw a business card for a photographer stuck in the control panel of an elevator once - it got my attention. I took it down in case I needed it for my jacket cover photo. (Always wishful thinking ahead!) :) I decided to leave my cards on elevators also, as well as on bulletin boards at the grocery store where anyone can advertise anything (a good place for flyers too); and in the "lunch drawing" bowls that some restaurants have where businessmen can leave their cards behind to enter into a drawing for a free lunch. (Hey, free advertisement and a free lunch - what's not to love?)

I remember reading about a writer who left a little stack of bookmarks beside her on the table whenever she went out to eat and would offer them to the wait staff. She said they usually loved them and were grateful. Whenever she didn't do that, she'd leave her card or a bookmark with the tip.

Pretty much anywhere people gather is a marketing opportunity - whether on the internet, at a restaurant, library, bookstore or even the doctor's office as Liz Kreger recently discovered. You can read about her experience here.

So let's put on our thinking helmets and night vision goggles and get out there. :) What methods are using or planning on trying to market your books?

An Attitude of Gratitude

I took another suggestion from the book "Write it Down, Make it Happen" and wrote "Thanks!" on the memo line of bills I paid today. Surprisingly, it did make parting with that money a little easier. :)

For example, when writing a rather large check to pay my electric heating bill, I thought about how hard the people work to make sure my place is warm - the electric company men & women who come out in all weather & all hours doing the best they can when the electricity goes out due to storms; the people entering the data from my check so that my bill gets paid on time and my electricity stays on - for you, I'm grateful. :) I'm also grateful I for the fact that I had the money to pay it with in the first place, and for the people working at the bank who process the checks too. So when I wrote "thanks" on the memo line next to my account number, I meant it. I still had to pay the bill, but at least it wasn't quite as painful. :)

I hope I can remember to be grateful more often.

Sick of Snark

After my long ramble earlier, I thought I would click on one of the scrolling links of random blogs that shows up when I login. I thought it might be fun to read some new blogs, see what other people were writing about.

Boy, was I sorry.

I've noticed over the past several years that "nastiness" seems to equal "cleverness" for a lot of people. Since when did criticizing everyone and everything in the most negative manner possible become a sign of intelligence? Yet is seems that is what a lot of people think. I was so discouraged after reading just a random sampling of blogs. It appears Snarkiness is In. Stronger than ever.

Which isn't to say I haven't been sarcastic from time to time. In fact, I'm sarcastic more often than even *I* would like. But it's just so prevalent now... so... so mean.

I hate that it's so common for television, movies, books and yes, blogs, to portray those who are rude and inconsiderate as "cool and clever." Downgrading others to make ourselves look better doesn't really work; the truth is that the opposite happens. We only look bitter and foolish - even if the media might try to make us believe otherwise.

So why not take the high road? Practice compassion, kindness and discretion. I saw this anonymous quote and printed it to hang over my desk at work. I look at it whenever I feel like strangling somebody. :) And since I've just sat here and put down several snarky people, I hope they'll think of it whenever they think of me. :)

"Resolve to be gentle with the weak, kind to the young, patient with the old, compassionate towards the poor, understanding of the wrong--at some point in your life, you will have been all these things."

Blocked

I'm having a bit of trouble lately... I can't seem to work on anything with any real dedication since I've not yet been able to get the contract with Aphrodite's Apples squared away. It's weird. This has been going on since I first found out my story was accepted, which was a few months ago. I thought it would finally be over when I got the new contract yesterday, only to find I still had one more question. Ack!

I know this is not good -- I can't put my writing life on hold waiting for each little thing to be worked out. The very nature of this business means there will be long periods of waiting between projects while things are settled: submit, wait; rejected, try again; accepted, contract negotiations, revisions, etc. All of this takes time - weeks, months, even years! If I stop writing while I'm waiting, I may never have another thing published!

I've been reading "Write it Down, Make it Happen" by Henriette Anne Klauser (a book Edie Ramer recommended) and Klauser brought up how resistance always means something. We just need to get to the bottom of why we're resisting. (In my case, the resistance is manifesting in writer's block.) Even as I type now, a few thoughts came to mind.

One, I'm afraid that somehow something will go wrong with the contract and I won't be published and I'll feel like I've wasted all this time and effort and will feel very foolish.

Two, I'm afraid that I'm really a poor writer and everyone will know it once they read my stuff - there are so many good writers out there, some of whom are much better writers than I am and have yet to be published, who will all be wondering why did *she* get a lucky break?

Three, I'm a neurotic perfectionist who knows her work isn't perfection and gets a little queasy at the thought of other people knowing it too. Actually, three is part of two.

Hmm... You know, that book is onto something. She said just start writing about your resistance without thinking it through too much, and I just did that in the previous paragraphs/sentences. (Thank you for sitting through my stream of consciousness prattle if you've read this far.) I think I see a theme: I'm terrified of looking like a fool. Which brings to mind an interesting coincidence (or would it be a "Go! Incident"?) - the blog at Magical Musings today was about learning from our mistakes.

I'd better go read it again, and remind myself that "failure" is only "feedback." Even if I still don't like it. :-)

Sales and Promotions

I've been a little under the weather lately (figuratively and literally - sick and snowed in), so I haven't been online much. However, I read a couple of interesting blogs - two at The Gab Wagon (11/30 and 12/4) on e- vs. print publishing, which was enlightening, encouraging and depressing all at the same time! Cheyenne McCray's blog at The Midnight Hour on self-promotion was also very good. (She's one who went from being e-pubbed to a USA Today Bestselling author, so I trust her judgment.) :)