New Direction

Once again, it has been a while. Since this is actually my first post of 2013 (wow, sorry!) I figured I'd get caught up on what's been going on. The day job has been crazy busy as always.  I've given up thinking that there will ever be any down time, and finally stop torturing myself with thoughts of, "Oh, in just 6 more weeks things will slow down and I'll be able to write/paint/sculpt/do-any-fun-thing-I'd-rather-be doing." 

Because frankly, ain't gonna happen. I've been consistently working anywhere from 50 up to 110 hours a week for the past several years, and I don't think that's going to change until my kid graduates college and can afford to be on her own (at least another 4 years).  At that point (if I'm still alive), I hope to be able to become the starving artist I always wanted to be. :)

Meanwhile, I'll just add in the writing/painting/sculpting/cover art/etc. as I can, try to enjoy it as a hobby for now, and not torture myself thinking that I should be doing more to make a business of it.  The hope is that during the next however-long-it-will-take, I would have at least accomplished a few things that I'll have as a starting point if/when I do have time again.

And believe it or not, 4 - 5 years goes by really quickly.  Heck, I've been doing this blog for 7 years now!  It seems like yesterday...

And I don't regret a minute of it. :) 

And even though I've been working like crazy, I took the time to start my "good year jar", and realized that even in the midst of the insanity and occasional disappointments, I've still been averaging 2 - 3 really good things per week.

How are things going for your 2013?

Some Flot and Some Jet...

Or, flotsam and jetsam... whatever...

So, I thought it was around 5:15am and got up to get ready for work. Decided to do a quick email check - discovered it was only 4:20.  Must have accidentally set my clock up an hour when I set the alarm last night. Darn it.

Anyhoodles, I decided I might as well write something while I was up. You see, I've been working 7 days a week, 12 - 22 hours a day for a LONG time now and finally had to give it up.  So, about 9 days ago, I officially took a break from doing cover art so that I could reclaim some night and weekend time, and spend more time with my daughter who was briefly hospitalized two weeks ago.  (She's just fine now, by the way - but it really made me examine my priorities.)

Having a tiny break in my schedule also gave me some time to start thinking about writing again, which I haven't done in at least 6 months. Since my purpose in not doing cover art now is to keep from killing myself with a crazy schedule and neglecting my family, it would be foolish to push myself into a writing frenzy. However, after doing the math, I realized I could probably finish about 50K words in three months even if I only wrote 15 minutes a day.  That's a decent size for an e-book, and stealing 15 minutes out of my day wouldn't hurt anything, would it?  So, that's my new goal.

Just 15 minutes a day. Let's see what happens.

Any new goals in your life?  Or read any great books lately?

Cat Burglars and Covers

First of all, you may have noticed the slide show with your book covers has disappeared from the top of the page. That's not because I stopped loving you, but because Amazon cancelled all the affiliate accounts of people in Illinois due to some new tax law.  I'll add something else to point people to your great books later. :)

While you're waiting for that, let me tell you about our cat, Macy.  She has the bad habit of opening every drawer and cabinet she comes in contact with to examine the contents - she's worse than a toddler.  She goes through the kitchen cabinets and drawers at least once a day in search of food and entertainment.  One day, she pulled out all the pot holders and dish towels from a drawer and dumped them on the floor. The other cat promptly came over and peed on them. 

And my daughter wonders why I want to give them away...

This morning I got up, went to the kitchen, and saw that she had discovered there was actually a drawer under the stove she hadn't seen before.  This is a heavy, metal drawer full of pots and pans, but she somehow managed to get it open and sifted through my pans.  What was she doing?  Baking cupcakes?  Loaning the pizza pan to the neighbors?

Tonight, I think I'll post a sign on my door: "Cat burglars welcome. Steal my cats, please!" 
Of course, Macy might slip the muffin tin under her arm as she goes...

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Now, on an unrelated note (or related, since I did say "cats and covers"), in keeping with the 10 day overcome writer's block program, I've been bribing the right side of my brain with treats for writing.  For example, 20 minutes of writing = 20 minutes of something fun.  Tonight my reward was to play with making a cover for my WIP - a book unlike anything you've read from me so far - this one probably won't even have a single sex scene in it. ;)  It's more of an action/adventure with strong romantic elements.

Anyway, here is the result, and I kind of like it.  Of course, it's subject to change once the book is actually finished, but the right side of the brain had a good time, and it inspired me to keep writing.  (Oh, and I did another different sort of cover for my friend, Mark Diehl, whose drugs/guns/horror book will be released soon - you can find it on the Digital Art page - and if the cover I mention above doesn't show ((it keeps disappearing)), I'm going to try to add it to that page as well.)

Times, they are a changin'

Day after tomorrow I'll be taking my daughter to the airport, where she'll board a plane for Phoenix with very little by way of plan once she arrives. My brother is at least going to pick her up and let her stay with him for a week or two while she looks for an apartment and/or roommates. And she won't listen to anyone who tries to talk her out of this.

At her age, I was much the same. Sometimes, I still am willing to take that blind leap of faith with no net. BUT, I'm her mother, so that's different. :) I'm also currently, as she would put it, "tweaking out" badly. My nerves are shot.

Meanwhile, to take my mind off this, I read an old Kathleen E. Woodiwiss novel the other day, and realized about three pages into it, that it would never have been accepted for publication today. Editors and agents would have passed immediately without reading beyond the first couple of pages due to all the head-hopping, impossible point of view sentences, and info dumps. The book was published in 1982, and in the 70's and 80's, Ms. Woodiwiss's books were always best sellers.

I did find the story hard to follow sometimes because of the same-sentence point of view shifts, and can see why that became a major no-no. But other times the head hopping actually added a bit for me when it kept the pace moving, rather than having to start another lengthy bit with another character's POV. I just found it ironic that a best seller from twenty years ago would not get very far if the first few chapters were submitted to an agent or editor today.

I wonder how things will change over the next two decades? Any thoughts?

It's a Family Affair

I had mentioned my brother and his wife in my last post, but didn't mention how creative they both are. They decided to paint my brother's prosthesis over the weekend, and this is what they came up with. You can see the full details here.

They are pretty funny. One year for Halloween, he attached a toy beaver to his wooden leg and went as a lumberjack under attack.

Any interesting relative stories you'd like to share? ;)

Announcements and Abashments :)

Since I so much enjoyed having Amber and Devin over to visit, I've also invited a fellow Cobblestone Press author, Jude Liebermann, to come by this Friday to talk about her book, Drew's Awakening, that will be coming out on the same day.

Meanwhile... for those of you who write the "naughty" books, I'm just wondering if any of you experience embarrassment when your friends and family (or coworkers) find out what you're up to in your spare time. My dad found my blog (gasp!) and made mention of my writing in an email to brother, whose wife then asked me what her FIL was talking about, and I didn't answer. Later, my brother asked again, but I told him he couldn't handle the truth. ;)

His wife is a very sweet, lovely woman who would most likely be horrified if she saw my stuff. And really, there is a certain "ick" factor in family knowing about this. My daughter, who does know, has said she could just never read anything I wrote because it would be way too much information. I wholeheartedly agree.

It makes me wonder.... I sometimes won't buy candy because I'm embarrassed for anyone to see the "chubby chick" with chocolate. After that happened a few times, I came to the conclusion that if I'm embarrassed to be buying it, then I really don't need to be doing it in the first place.

I'm wondering if that applies here, as well. Which is NOT to say that I think writing erotic romance is bad, I just sometimes wonder if it's for me if I'm that uncomfortable with people knowing about it. If I can't look my brother in the eye and say, "Hells yeah, I wrote that and I'm damned proud of it!", then I have to take a good look at what the issue is.

I'm proud of my friends who write erotic romance and promote their books, so why am I uncomfortable with people knowing about mine? Am I more prudish than I realized? Or is just a family/coworker thing? TMI for certain people only?

It makes me feel like I'm living a double life because on the one hand, I DO want to tell everyone about it, and say it with pride. On the other hand, maybe some people just really don't need to know...

Meet Author Amber Scott

Happy Friday! Today, I'm so pleased to have author Amber Scott (occasionally aka Amber Dayne) with me. I'm also pleased that she graciously is also interviewing me over at her blog today as well. So, let's get started....

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KS: Hi Amber, it’s great to have you here today. I mentioned you in my blog a few days back, and I’m excited that you agreed to allow me to grill…er, interview… you today about your writing.

Probably the most common complaint from writers is that they never have enough time to write. I know you have two small children at home, yet since I met you four years ago, you’ve had a baby, had six books published (Irish Moon aka The Last Templar, The Best Revenge, Jessie’s Girl, Wanted, Soul Search, and PlayFling) and now you’re also working on screenplays. This doesn’t even count the stories you’ve written which haven’t been published yet. Can you give us an example of your “typical” writing schedule?

AS: I tell you, when you throw articles and blogging in there, too, I get dizzy thinking about it. Thankfully, I’ve figured out how to take each task one at a time, or like Anne Lamott’s book explains, Bird by Bird. With two young children and a husband vying for my attention, I’ve learned how to write in small spurts and with a little one on my lap. A few years ago, I let go of the notion that I should be able to carve out a couple hours a day reserved for writing. Instead, I gave up TV and am constantly back and forth to my computer, to the kids, back to my story, over to dishes and so on. It’s an imperfect system I find I have to tweak and adjust to every day but I’ll get there.

KS: Well, you must be doing something right! I listened to your interview on Romantically Speaking w/ Danielle Monsch (http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=73538&cmd=tc) and you mentioned your love of writing in different genres (I’m totally on board with you on that!) and I’m wondering what has been your favorite of the stories you’ve written so far, and why?

AS: Thank you so much for listening. Danielle is a lot of fun and made the interview really easy. It was like talking to a great friend. I wish I could pick one genre I prefer! It seems like it’d make the career building part of all this easier. Alas, I go where the itch takes me. I’m polishing an urban fantasy, called Realm, right now, continuing the doomed cupid series Play Fling, and started plus two screenplays, D-Word and Threshold. I’d say the two things I tend to stick to are paranormal elements and comedy but not necessarily together.

KS: Any one particular scene/hero/heroine out of all the genres that has really stayed with you?

AS: Jessica Hayes in Jessie’s Girl has really stayed with me. I think gay and lesbian fiction is regrettably still seen as taboo but I hope it will become mainstream. Love is love, right? Jessie has such a difficult decision in this story. She falls for the girl her brother, who is also her best friend, thinks is ‘the one’. And Sabrina falls as well. Only Sabrina hasn’t quite come to terms with what ideal life versus real life means. Their story was heart-wrenchingly wonderful to write.

KS: It was a great story and the conflict was very moving. Speaking of conflict, most writers are familiar with the “inciting incident”, “the dark moment”, and the “return with the prize” in stories. I’m wondering if you may have experienced some of those in real life on your path to publication, what they were, and if you’d like to share them?

AS: My inciting incident to novel writing came with my first NaNoWriMo. It took me from dreaming of being a writer to actually writing and I got hooked. My dark moment came when I read Stephanie Meyers Twilight saga and had an epiphany: If I didn’t love my own characters as thoroughly as she clearly loved hers, was it worth pursuing this career? I took a break and realized, yes it’s worth it. The pain, the fear, the lack of sleep. And I stopped writing with that lingering desperation to find some secret formula and simply write for the fun of it now. My writing improved. My return with the prize has to be my first contest win, an Honorable Mention in the Save the Cat! Last logline of 2009! contest. The late Blake Snyder, author of the series and whose site hosted the contest, is my biggest writing hero. I really wish I could have met him.

KS: Congratulations - that's quite a journey, Amber! Where can readers find your work now, and what can we expect next from you?

AS: Right now Play Fling is at Smashwords.com and Scribd.com for a limited promotional release while I submit it to agents and editors. I’ll be placing a couple of freebie novels up on each site as well this summer. My screenplays may join the novels once they’re polished and registered with the Writer’s Guild. I see self-publishing as a great way to earn readers and share the process with them. I’m shopping my urban fantasy, Realm, also but contemporary erotica has been whispering in my ear again. I hope to have another novella completed and submitted to Liquid Silver Books soon. I adore this publisher and hope to continually add to my booklist there. You can also find me at 1stTurningPoint.com, a place for authors to learn and share all about promotion.

KS: Wow, you sure do keep busy, and I look forward to seeing more from you. Is there anything else you’d like your readers to know?

AS: Simply how much I appreciate their taking the time to share my inner worlds. Having a reader feels like sharing a favorite song or movie with someone. I cherish it. As a thank you today, I’d like to offer a free ebook download of Play Fling at Smashwords.com. This is the story of a doomed cupid determined to match a repressed divorcee with her ex. There’s just two problems: a too young, too hot college boy distracting her matchmaking target and the fact that she stinks at playing cupid. Simply enter code: SE77K. It expires March 17th. Thank you so much for having me, Kate. We’ve come a long way and here’s to much, much further! KS: Here, here! Thank you, Amber. :)

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So, what questions do you have for Amber? Side note: Amber is generously giving away copies of Play Fling for the time being, but my publisher would kill me if I gave away so many books. :) However, not to be selfish, everyone who comments here and/or on Amber's blog today and wants to be entered to win a copy of Managing Maggie in one of the following formats: .PDF, .mobi/Kindle, or .LIT simply has to state their preferred format in their post.

The 23rd Anniversary of My 23rd Birthday Has Been Postponed

Stay tuned for further details...

Thanks to all of you who have blogged, emailed, twittered, my spaced, facebooked, etc. to wish me a happy birthday. However, I want to tell you that due to lack of preparation on my part, I've decided to put my birthday on hold indefinitely. I just simply wasn't ready this year. I mean, I haven't finished that novel, haven't lost 60 pounds, haven't won a major lottery - I'm just not there yet.

You understand, don't you? No hard feelings or anything?

Thanks. :)

Mentally Ill Cats and Multitasking

I've been dealing with both. We thought for sure our poor kitty was nearing her last breath: hadn't eaten or taken water in nearly a week, was in perpetual hiding, breathing was shallow and rapid. We finally flushed her out of hiding and got her to the vet. Several hours & dollars later, we hear the verdict: cat is perfectly fine, she's just suffering a feline form of PMS. Might need some anti-anxiety medication.

I guess it's true that pets take after their owners.... :-P

But now that I can rest more easily knowing only a hefty dose of Midol is needed for kitty, I have more time to worry about my own issues. Like, when am I ever going to finish another one of the many manuscripts on my hard drive. The three shorter ones that I did finish have all been published, so shouldn't I try to something longer? After all, the last couple of rejections I received for one of them all said the same thing: this one is too short for us, but please send us something longer. They said they liked my writing - just needed to see more of it. Longer, more developed. Sigh...

However, I want to work on an idea I have for Samhain's Steampunk Anthology. These characters have been knocking on my door for weeks, and I'm on my last round of edits with the one coming out with Cobblestone, so I should be good to go, right? But... but those other editors... they were so encouraging. Shouldn't I jump on that first, before they forget they requested more material? Shouldn't I hurry and finish one of those novels for them? What's a gal to do?

Edie Ramer had a post about the various characters going in and out of her life this past year, and it was great. Shana Galen also has an article about when it's a good time to cheat on your books. (In truth, just like every other rationalizing cheater, I want people to tell me it's ok if I hang with several characters at a time.) ;)

So, what about you? Are you a faithful or a fickle writer?

On the Move...Again

Fortunately, it's my writing that's on the move again and not me. I had determined a month ago that it was time for me to quit procrastinating, stop making excuses, and in general, just stop whining and get to work. I looked over all the false starts I had in my writing folders (far too many) and asked which ones were actually viable - could actually turn into something if I got off my lazy duff. It seemed there were several.

So, I gave myself a deadline of at the very least one book finished by the end of the year; preferably two. I also decided to complete something with a view to submitting it to Silhouette since their word counts are smaller than most publishers. Figured that would give me something to work toward - 60,000 words is a reasonable goal - something that should easily be accomplished. After all, I already several things (sure things!) started that were already up to 25K. Piece of cake, right?

Those of you who are snickering can stop now. Those "sure things" quickly became doubtful; but one started to look hopeful. Until I had no idea where it was going or how it would end. Then I found Holly Lisle's site, and in particular, this beautiful formula. I put it into practice, and wham! back in business. Holly now has a new fan. Also, I can't wait to order and read her Devil's Point series (Sympathy for the Devil - scroll down toward the end of the link to find it ) -it looks like a lot of fun.

So, after scrapping most of my WIP, I started over with major changes (it's no longer paranormal, for instance) but it's going much more smoothly now. I'm excited. I never thought getting rid of the vampire element would make it a better story, but it actually has. It was hard to kill that darling, but it was the right thing to do. And I might actually finish it on time now. :)

Have you ever had to completely gut a book and start it in a new direction? How did that go for you? I was surprised that this worked - I was very reluctant to give up the darker elements (especially since that also changed the line I was goign to submit to), but something kept telling me it was the right thing to do. And when I applied Holly's formula to the new path, it all started to click.

Now, in the meantime, if you want to check out some of my brother's writing and sense of humor, you can go here. He's watching the dog's blog while his wife is away. I don't know what she was thinking leaving them alone like that....

Family Matters

Just wanted to take a moment to show some love to my new sister-in-law (and her dog).


http://howsamseesit.blogspot.com/


Will be back later for more updates. :) Meanwhile, how's it going out there?

Touching the Past

I just wanted to share this wonderful blog post for those of you who may not be familiar with Jon Zech.

I'll not tell you what it's about, but trust me, it's great. So is all of his writing, so while you're there, I encourage you to have a look around the archives.

Second Chances

A few nights ago, I couldn't sleep. I don't know why - could have had something to do with getting a call after midnight from the police department a few towns away to come pick up my daughter - my daughter whom I had naively thought was spending the night with a friend a few blocks away. It seems she was found in a highly dangerous, gang infested area out past curfew with a couple of her friends. (Long story about the why of that)

Anyway, once she was home and in bed (her second chance used up there - I let her live) I found I couldn't go back to sleep. I had been on a reading spree, but had nothing new around, so I decided to pick up some books from our condo building's library in the lobby. As I rifled through them, I found to my surprise an old category romance by Maggie Shayne. I didn't know she had written category before (I discovered her after her single title series had taken off.) I took it upstairs with me, though I don't often read category, I decided to give it a chance. It was Maggie, after all.

The book was called "The Littlest Cowboy". Sherriff Garrett Brand finds a baby on his doorstep - a baby he's sure isn't his, even though the note attached says the baby was named after him. Chelsea Brennan arrives at the ranch in search of her nephew and answers about her sister's death.

Sounds like normal category fare, no? In many ways, it was. But I also saw glimpses of what made her so popular in other genres. Parts of the book tugged at my heartstrings even when she wasn't trying, some made me laugh out loud. The hero was lovable, the heroine a little hard for me at first, but I came to care about her at the end for her bravery.

I've read a few categories lately and have been happy to give them a second chance. The Silhouette "Raintree" series is another example of category that I really liked.

Another second chance book for me was Nora Robert's "Morrigan's Cross." I'd tried to read it a few times since I'd heard such good things about it, but couldn't get into it. In desperation one night because I had no new books, I decided to give it another go. I didn't reread anything in the first few chapters even though I didn't remember any of it because I'd never made it beyond that point before. So, I started around chapter 3 or 4 and ended up really liking the book and look forward to reading the rest in the series.

I don't often give books a second chance. In fact, if a book does anything to seriously annoy me in the first few chapters, I'll usually toss it aside never to look at it again. (See Marcia Colette's funny take on this issue.)

Now I'm wondering if perhaps I've been too hasty. What about you - are there any books you decided to give a second chance and ended up liking?

Spaghetti Days

There is a chapter in the book MAKING A LIVING WITHOUT A JOB, where the author exhorts the reader to treasure their "spaghetti days" - those days before they make it big and are living on spaghetti. She says to chronicle them, because one day you will look back and remember them fondly, even if they are difficult at the time.

Well, I'm entering into spaghetti days right now (though in our house, it's more like rice & beans with the occassional enchilada thrown in.) :) I handed in my resignation for the fourth time in three years, and while they once again tried to suck me back in, I only agreed to work two days a week through the end of October while my replacement gets up to speed.

You see, I realized that there are other things that are far more important to me than working for an outfit that I can no longer emotionally support. Things like taking care of my daughter and myself. Things that make me happy like writing and painting. The arthritis in my hands is getting so bad that there are days when I take my hand off the mouse and it remains in that clawed shape for several painful minutes after while I try to massage it loose.

It occurred to me that I don't want to spend years being unhappy and lose the use of my hands when I could be using them for things that I enjoy while I still can.

However, what that means, is that for a while I'll be quite entrenched in spaghetti days. And only when I can buy boxes 4 for a dollar. :)

I've been planning on starting a small publishing company, as well as sell my artwork online and elsewhere, but have run into a couple of small legal snafus which I hope to smooth out in the next month or two. I'll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, Magical Musings recently posted a link to the inspiring account of Sherrilyn Kenyon's journey to publication and all she went through. You can read it here. (Scroll down to the part called "And here's the story of how I got to where I am." It is worth the read.

Wish me luck as I move forward, as I'll be wishing it for all of you.

Th..th...That's All Folks!

After a very strange (and strained) start to the year, I'll be once more temporarily MIA around here. This is probably the last chance I'll have to blog for a while (not that I've been so regular lately - like I said, it's been an odd first half of the year!)

My computer will be in storage for the month of June while I shuffle around from place to place, homeless for a month, until my new place is available the first week of July. I do have a housesitting gig from June 19-July 4, so it's really only the first part of June I have to worry about. I imagine we'll be in a hotel, but I hate to leave my daughter alone in a hotel (she's almost 15) while I'm at work all day, so we're trying to find friends for her to stay with during that time.

Edie, you said things come in threes, I hope this is the last round! ;) Actually, I have three (no, four!) good things to look forward to in July. I'll have someplace to live (yay!), my daughter's birthday is the 14th, Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix comes out 7/13, followed by the last book on the 21st. *grin* It's the little things in life, ya know? :)

So, anyhoodles, I'll be away for a while, though I imagine I'll be logging in from work from time to time to read your blogs. Just don't tell anybody. :)

Meanwhile, I recommend Linda Howard's "Raintree: Inferno" from this month's Silhouette Nocturne. I just finished it last night and am looking forward to the next installments of the Raintree trilogy. The only thing I didn't like, was the fact that she left me hanging and the next two books will be written by two different authors. (I'm guessing that was the deal with this series.) Though it will be interesting to see what the other two do with it and how they tie her story in with theirs.

As I read, I could see why she is a best-selling author. Her writing style is fast, clean and fun. There were only one or two very minor blips that she and the editors didn't catch, but nothing dealbreaking (little things like using the same word twice in a sentence). The truth is, I just bought this book because it was small, on sale, she wrote it, and I liked the cover. :) I intended to read it to study her style and ended up impressed with her pacing and economy of details, as well as the realism - her heroine had to pee and brush her teeth. :D You don't see that often, and the way it was written was funny and realistic.

So there ya go. Have a great holiday weekend, and I'll see you around. :)

Weirdo!

Michelle Diener and Sabrina Luna have both recently tagged me to post 10 weird facts about myself, so here we go:

1. I talk to myself all the time. Loudly. With large gestures. It's highly embarrassing when I get caught.

2. When I was little (3-4), I used to dig holes under our backyard fence so I could be free. My parents thought it was the dog and got rid of him. After they filled in the holes, I climbed on the dog house, into the nearby tree, swung off a branch over the fence and dropped into the field behind us.

3. I like my pizza cold and my ice cream warm.

4. I'm 43 years old and have a large collection of Harry Potter merchandise.

5. A few years ago, I lived next to a church where the parishioners were so loud and obnoxious (they'd park in my driveway blocking my car, stay outside my window talking until 2am even though I politely asked them several times not to) so I finally got sick of it and squirted them with a water pistol. (Yes, I'm going to hell)

6. I wanted to be a tree when I grew up. Still sounds like a good occupation.

7. When I was about 4 or 5, I tried making my own shampoo and selling it door to door. When that didn't work, I went around the neighborhood and sold all my mother's underwear while she was in the shower. (It sold - you have to understand that my mother was HOT and wore sexy underwear.)

8. I'm directionally challenged. I used to take "short cuts" on my way home from school and be lost for hours, even though I never recognized I was lost--I figured I'd get there eventually. Once my mother even had to call the police.

9. I'm still directionally challenged. (see #10)

10. I don't know my right from my left. If you want me to look or turn a certain way quickly, I can't do it. I have to think about it for several seconds or ask somebody which way that is. I can handle N, E, S & W because those are fixed points, but I've never gotten a handle on left or right - confuses the heck out of me. I hate when I'm in heavy traffic and see a sign on the road that says "merge left" ahead because I never end up in the correct lane.

Sink or Swim

Someone I work with mentioned today how many times she felt like she'd quit if she didn't have a mortgage, then went on to say that there were dreams she'd had of starting her own business, but was afraid to pursue it because she was afraid of not having enough money to get by in the beginning. She then said that she was starting to think that if she ever took the plunge, she'd probably work harder at it because it would be sink or swim. She was questioning whether to just forge ahead and damn the torpedoes, as several other people she knew had done.

I nearly fell over, because before she started talking, I had just been thinking that exact same thing. I keep telling myself to hang on a little longer, until I have enough money saved to last a while, but then some days I feel like I can't hold out a second longer. I've been wondering if I should just take the plunge and know that I had to make a success of what I wanted to do because there would be nothing to fall back on.

It's hard to balance dreams and responsibility. I have a responsibility to my daughter to make sure we have a roof over our heads along with food & clothing. I have a responsibility to the credit card companies I do business with to not file for bankruptcy. ;)

But don't I also have a responsibility to myself to live a good, full, and fulfilling life? Just how selfish can I be? Who'll care two thousand years from now if I quit my job or not? Of course, my daughter will care significantly for the next 4-8 years at least. (rest of high school & college) But to comment on the obvious: life is short, and nothing is guaranteed.

Today, Edie at Magical Musings asked the question, "Do you wake up planning on doing one thing and knowing you should do another?"

My answer: Every single day.

The question I ask is, what is it I truly ought to be doing? Recently (and unfortunately, I can't recall exactly where at this moment), I read that if at any time we ever desire to create--to play music, to write, to dance, to paint, even to start our own business--it is the Universal Spirit attempting to create through us; and should we heed this, we will be led in the right direction. I'd like to believe that. The risks are more than a little scary, though. Do I follow my dreams and perhaps fall on my face, or do I stay in a "safe" place (that could turn me loose at any moment anyway, should they fall into trouble) - how do I hedge my bets?

Do you ever feel that way?

Feeling guilty...

I missed Magical Mondays yesterday because I'm not feeling well. In fact, I'm home from work sick today.

...yet for some strange reason, I'm here in front of the computer... Okay, in my defense, I had to get on to see if my daughter's school closed because of the snow (they didn't - woohoo! I get to go back to bed in peace.) Bad mother!

Anyway, I've got some good stuff for future MM's that I hope to get up there at some point. In the meantime, though, I've got a question going at my other blog that I'd really like for people to answer if they'd be so kind. Michelle and Edie got me curious about something and now I want answers, darnit. :)

Holy Crap!

What has Jennifer Lopez done to her face?

Normally, I don't talk about celebrities. Don't think about them much, don't really care. However, I saw this photo from her new video on Yahoo a little while ago and was horrified.

The reason why this one bothers me so much is because every time my half-Latina daughter says to me she wants to take her college fund money and get a nose job, I've always pointed out Jennifer Lopez's nose, how it's similar to hers, and how J.L.'s considered one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Now I guess I'll just have to say how sad that even with all her fame and fortune, she still didn't think she was good enough.

Before:


After: