Analysis Paralysis

There I was, merrily typing away this weekend - 2K+ each on Friday and Saturday - and got up this morning to try to put in at least two more today.

I'd had a long dry spell that I always blamed on the day job and lack of time/energy, etc.  But the truth was that I just didn't know where the stories were going. I was afraid I couldn't create a believable, exciting enough plot. I got tangled up in doubts and couldn't seem to extricate myself to move forward. The harder I tried to force it, the worse it got.

Until this past Thursday evening.

While thinking of something else entirely, a line I'd read somewhere flashed in my mind. "Plot is simply what the characters have to go through to reach their goal."

Aha!

I'd been fretting over action, intrigue, etc., but it all hinged on goals. What did my characters want? What were they trying to achieve?  Simple, right?

I suddenly felt very relaxed and simultaneously energized. I let that epiphany settle in for the next several hours until I was totally at ease with the idea. Lo and behold, Friday evening, after already having worked twelve hours, I sat down and easily added another 2K+ words to a manuscript. Didn't even break a sweat. Got up Saturday and did the same thing. In fact, I could have written more, but I deliberately held back so I wouldn't wear myself out.

I got up this morning, determined to do it all again... until I read this blog on believable characters. 

It's a great blog, it really is. But things like that tend to bring me to a screeching, doubt filled halt.  Suddenly, I was hung up again on not being good enough. Were my character flat? Cliches? Unoriginal? 

Oy vey! How could I possibly write a novel? I'm not nearly good enough!

Now I'm trying to recover from the doubts again. It took me the past two YEARS to come to grips with plot. Now I have to deal with character, too?!

You know what?  I'm just going to try to not worry about it right now.  Just keep writing until the darn thing is finished and then go back to see if the characters need more work. At that point, I can use Rick's great blog as a thermometer to see they're ill. And I'll be grateful for it then.

Right now, I just need to stop worrying about it and get on with the process. Like Nora Roberts says (I think she said it) "You can fix a bad page, but you can't fix a blank page." 

Though, actually, I think you fix the blank page by filling it up with stuff - even if it's bad. :)

Discombobulated

Hi there - thanks again to all who helped choose the next WIP. 

I haven't posted more on it for two reasons: one, I realized I really didn't like the direction the next scene was going in (seems a bit cliche) so that needs to be redone.  If you'd like to see what I plan on cutting/editing/rearranging, it's above under "cutting room floor".  There, you can at least see what happened after Caroline left the shop (which is where Midnight Ink ends in the candidate tab above).

The second, is that my health has taken a turn for the worse for the past two months, resulting in two hospital stays, and now a leave of absence until September. Now, that last bit sounds like it would be a blessing writing-wise, but unfortunately, that's not the case. My concentration is completely shot.  At some point in time, I may blog about it all, but for now, suffice it to say I'm a bit under the weather.  And some weather we've been having, huh?!  Even Maine had 95+ heat, which is something unheard of for them.

Anyhoodles, that's where I've been/where I am.  Hope to catch up to you all soon.  I do try to read your blogs - just haven't been commenting much.  I do know that Edie Ramer's "Galaxy Girls" is out now, and Charles Gramlich's "Ember Starr" is coming soon, so I'm stoked about that.  Check them out! :)

Win a $20 Amazon Gift Card

Ok, as a holiday weekend bonus, I'm adding to my earlier request (and prize). 

To be entered to win a gift from Amazon, all you have to do is help me choose between the two excerpts posted above (see tabs re: Candidates 1 & 2).  That's all: just read two short excerpts, tell me which one you like best and why you chose it over the other.

(And hey - if you hate them both, just tell me why you hate one less than the other, and you'll still be entered to win!) :)

As an added bonus, if you're an indie author, you can also be entered to win a free cover art package if you choose.  Just let me know in your comment whether you wish to also be entered for the art package.

The winner(s) will be announced July 8, 2011.

Promos and Motivation

I've read a few books lately on Indie publishing, and it seems the thing they stress the most is social networking - promo, promo, promo.

Being a naturally reclusive type, that is a bit hard for me.  However, it did occur to me that while I might have a hard time self-promoting, I don't mind at all to promote other people's work when I like it.  In fact, I started to wonder why I'd never invited any of the authors whose cover art I did to come by my blog and talk about their books.  Seems a natural thing to do, right?  And why haven't I done more book reviews?  I've read tons of books this past year - many by my blogging pals.  I could have been active in promoting them - I have no problem pumping up other writers on my blog, facebook, and twitter.

So, to those of you I've overlooked:  My deepest apologies; I'll remedy that situation very soon.

To myself... maybe I need to create an alter ego to peddle my own stuff? lol

Meanwhile, I've got three - count 'em three - WIPS I want to finish this year, but I'm finding it hard to stay focused and motivated.  However, I did narrow it down to two to focus on, but I still need to choose one to finish first, and decided to ask for you help in choosing by posting two excerpts to vote on.  You can find the candidates in the header tabs above.

With that in mind, I also decided to take a page from the awesomely talented Avery DeBow and try a Mad Lib (or, as she called it, Bad Lib) approach to finish the chosen story. Avery had posted a bit of a story each week, and asked for people to supply words which she had to include in the next week's excerpt. Her end story was incredible, and while I don't have the same amount of talent as Avery, the utter horror and shame should I fail to produce something might just be motivation enough to keep me going.

Mind you, both of those ideas fill me with utter terror.  You might not bother to show up.  You might hate both excerpts and refuse to vote.  You might hate the mad lib and not participate.  You might hate me.

And worst of all, I might be incapable of producing anything usable in such a manner on a weekly basis.

Oh, well.  All I can do is try.  If you don't want to play along and torture me even more senseless than I already am, I suppose I could just randomly pick words out of the dictionary.  It does lack that motivating, public humiliation factor, though.

UPDATE 6/30: By the way, if you participate, I'll promote your book across facebook, twitter, amazon, etc., and you'll be entered to win a free cover art package should you wish to receive one.  Just let me know.

Lies We Tell Ourselves

You're not good enough...You have nothing to say...You'll never finish this, because you never finish anything...You lack what it takes to follow through...You should give up now because you're wasting your time...No one will ever read this...

And so on.

Vicious, nasty inner critics that have paralyzed my writing for days, weeks, sometimes even years.  All based on one thing:  Fear.  Fear I'll never get published; fear that I will.  Fear no one will read it; fear someone will.  Fear it will be bad; fear it will be good.  You name the inner conflict, I've felt it.  And apparently, I'm not alone.

I've just finished reading a book on overcoming writer's block by Karen Peterson called "Write. 10 Days to Overcome Writer's Block. Period."  In it, she promotes the idea that the left and right sides of our brains put out conflicting information when we're afraid of something, and gives some exercises to help figure out how to get around that, such as writing and answering certain questions using first our dominant hand, then the non-dominant hand to see where the conflict might lie.  She also gave lists of things to check off, using alternating hands.

I really didn't expect to see different answers for the questions, but was astounded when I did the exercises: my left hand really didn't know what my right hand was doing!

For example, for months I've been plagued by the thought that I have nothing to say, therefore, I shouldn't write (not even blog - that's a big reason why my blogging has been so sporadic.)  But when I checked off the lists of questions that included "I have nothing to say" and "I have so much to say I don't know where to start" I actually checked both - each with a different hand, and didn't realize it.

Using more information from the book, I delved a little deeper into that conflict, and realized that in fact, I have a LOT to say, but have been terrified of saying it; which is why for almost a year, I haven't said much of anything.  I also realized where the source of that fear came from and have been able to smack it down.

It was quite an interesting exercise.  I have a way to go yet, but found it helpful.

Meanwhile, to deal with that critic who keeps telling me I can never finish anything, I also took a long look through my hard drive. Yes, I did find 22 incomplete manuscripts.  But I also found 11 completed.  "Hah! Take THAT, inner critic!"  Obviously, I can write a story from beginning to end.

Then on to the next lie: "You'll never get published and no one will ever read/like what you've written."  For some reason, that's been a persistent belief, until I realized that I've only ever submitted 3 stories, and all three were published, and all three had strangers write to say they enjoyed them.

So, roll up your sleeves, it's time for the inner critic smackdown!  Kick those doubters to the curb!  What lies has your inner critic told you that you were able to prove wrong?  And didn't you feel like Rocky when you knocked them out? :)

Fear

A little while ago, I mentioned in an email to Edie Ramer that I needed to re-read a blog she once posted on overcoming the fear of writing a book that feels "too big." She informed me that she never blogged about that subject.

Oh, the old gray mare ain't what she used to be... now I don't remember where I read it since it was at least a couple of years ago. Does that topic ring any bells, anyone? :)

See, Edie was kind enough to read a little something I sent her, and she said she liked the excerpt from a series idea I've been working on. It's an idea that I really like, but... I'm terrified of writing it! I'm afraid I'm not up to the task, so I put it away, but it keeps tapping on my shoulder. I've even started writing little out of order bits from across all three "planned" books in an effort to still get something down, but not freak myself out so much by actually writing sequential chapters.

And darn it, I love those little bits I've got so far. They tease me just enough to say "this could be really good" but I'm still terrified of going for the whole enchilada. I'm thinking maybe I should just keep writing these short paragraphs out of order to fool myself until eventually, I've got the whole darn thing written. ;)

All over the 'net and in various books you can find the advice to "just write, don't be afraid to suck, just get the words down and you can fix them later." This is probably great advice. Or would be, if I could just get past this phobia.

Any suggestions? Any idea where I read that other blog? :)

Following Yonder Star...

In the past, I've blogged a lot about the power of positive thinking, but haven't touched much on the following words of wisdom from Terry Pratchett in his book, The Wee Free Men:

"Now...if you trust in yourself..."

"...and believe in your dreams..."

"... and follow your star..."

"...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy."

:)

This has been brought home to me rather sharply lately. Now, mind you, I did trust myself, believe in my dreams, etc., and that paid off. However, it only partially paid off, because I also wasn't learning and working hard enough. (Hence, my now 3 "ok" reviews, as well as seeing much better cover art than what I've produced - created by people who have spent years practicing their craft.)

Now, I still completely believe in the power of positive thinking and visualization, but I've also come to realize that I need to back that up with real elbow grease as well. Lots of practice to become better at what I want to do, and not just sit around thinking it will all be magically handed to me.

NYT Bestselling author Jennifer Ashley kept a blog in the years just before she was published (and during the years that I remember her from the Desert Rose RWA when I lived in Arizona) all about her doubts and struggles while trying to get published. She has since moved on to blogging about what it's like to make a living as a full-time writer. I went back and re-read some of those posts the other day, and found them inspiring - and enlightening.

In other words, I got a necessary @$$ kicking. ;) (Which has actually been going on for days, as you can see from my "back to the drawing board" post.)

So, once more I'm taking stock of what I still have to learn, where I need to improve, and trying to force myself to get my act together and produce some quality work. Not just sit around and daydream about it.

In what areas are you trying to improve?

More on Cats and Writing

I know there are a few of you who will appreciate this. :)

Mentally Ill Cats and Multitasking

I've been dealing with both. We thought for sure our poor kitty was nearing her last breath: hadn't eaten or taken water in nearly a week, was in perpetual hiding, breathing was shallow and rapid. We finally flushed her out of hiding and got her to the vet. Several hours & dollars later, we hear the verdict: cat is perfectly fine, she's just suffering a feline form of PMS. Might need some anti-anxiety medication.

I guess it's true that pets take after their owners.... :-P

But now that I can rest more easily knowing only a hefty dose of Midol is needed for kitty, I have more time to worry about my own issues. Like, when am I ever going to finish another one of the many manuscripts on my hard drive. The three shorter ones that I did finish have all been published, so shouldn't I try to something longer? After all, the last couple of rejections I received for one of them all said the same thing: this one is too short for us, but please send us something longer. They said they liked my writing - just needed to see more of it. Longer, more developed. Sigh...

However, I want to work on an idea I have for Samhain's Steampunk Anthology. These characters have been knocking on my door for weeks, and I'm on my last round of edits with the one coming out with Cobblestone, so I should be good to go, right? But... but those other editors... they were so encouraging. Shouldn't I jump on that first, before they forget they requested more material? Shouldn't I hurry and finish one of those novels for them? What's a gal to do?

Edie Ramer had a post about the various characters going in and out of her life this past year, and it was great. Shana Galen also has an article about when it's a good time to cheat on your books. (In truth, just like every other rationalizing cheater, I want people to tell me it's ok if I hang with several characters at a time.) ;)

So, what about you? Are you a faithful or a fickle writer?

Inspiration

Hi out there! Is everyone surviving the transition to winter? We actually had snow here the other day - it was a bit depressing on top of the nasty cold I've got.

Anyhoodles, I came across two inspiring bits of information/quotes today and felt they were worth sharing. See, I joined the Medifast online support group (decided to give it another go - I'd done it before and I know it works, but I needed more support this time around) and I found two things on their message boards that hit home for me. What was great about them is that these things can apply to any area of our lives that we're working on, whether it's weight loss, writing or anything else. So what were they?

One, was this quote: "Talk to that person in the mirror as if he or she were a good friend going through this."

Simple, but it really got to me. I'm probably much harder on myself than anyone else is, so I taped a copy of that to my bathroom mirror where I'll see it every day.

The second thing came from a woman had been reading a book called "A Whole New Mind" by Daniel Pink, which isn't about weight loss, but she found an activity in it called "But Out!" that she found helpful enough to share, and I'm glad she did.

The exercise was this: Compile a list of some of the important changes you'd like to make in your life and what's keeping you from realizing them, such as:

I'd like to spend more time with my family, but I travel a lot for my job.
I'd like to eat better, but I'm surrounded at work by sugary snacks.
I'd like to read more, but I rarely have time when I can sit down with a book.

Now go back to each item and replace the word "but" with the word "and":

I'd like to spend more time with my family and I travel a lot for my job. I need to find ways to bring my family along during some of my travels.
I'd like to eat better, and I'm surrounded at work by sugary snacks. So I need to pack my own supply of healthful snacks to reduce the temptation to eat the bad stuff.
I'd like to read more, and I rarely have time when I can sit down with a book. So I need to get books on tape that I can listen to in the car or at the gym.

Exchanging "and" for "but" can move you out of excuse-making mode and into problem-solving mode.

Isn't that great? Simple, but effective. (Or, simple AND effective) :)

Now I'm off to get my butt back to bed so I can shake this cold. How are things going for you?

And so it goes...

“The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.”
-Robert Burns

Marcia Colette (who is still riding high on her first print contract) asked for the final numbers of my two-week challenge.

Sadly, they are what they were in the last post - 84 pages out of 280. My best laid plan was to write as much as I possibly could in the two weeks before November first, when I knew I would have to do some serious job hunting. I decided to try to write at least 20 pages or 5000 words a day (depending on which came first) for those two weeks. (This was an effort to break out of some serious writer's block - or laziness, whatever you want to call it.) :)

Well, as it turned out, I got off to a good start the first 3-4 days, then I got two contract jobs that I needed to take (in order to take care of little details like food and shelter) and those contracts ending up being so much work that I've been putting in 12-15 hour days for the past week and a half. In fact, I need to work this weekend, but I'm taking a short break just to save my sanity. (Not to mention I'm fighting sinusitis with accompanying pain and dizziness.) Nevertheless, I have a lot of work and a Monday deadline looming, so I'll have to get cracking soon.

In the midst of that, I actually even signed up for NaNoWriMo - what can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment.

Soooo..... how did/do I think I'll accomplish all this? I had commented on Spyscribbler's blog recently that I was completely clueless when I started writing. (I'm still fairly clueless, though I like to think I've learned a little.) In some ways, that complete ignorance served me well when I was just starting out. See, I hadn't as yet learned that writing is hard, and getting published even harder. In my naive enthusiasm, I thought I could handle it.

It reminded me of a time, many years ago, when I moved five large bags of something - I believe it was cement mix. See, back then, I only weighed 103 pounds. My (now ex) husband and his brother had left these big bags blocking the back walkway to the porch and I went outside and moved them to the side of the house.

When the guys came home, they wanted to know where the bags were. I showed them where I'd put them. They asked how they got there. I wondered how stupid could they be, and said I put them there. They didn't believe it and asked me to show them. Still mind-boggled at what idiots they were, I picked up a bag and moved it. Sure, it was heavy, but it wasn't impossible.

They were stunned and I still couldn't figure out what the big deal was until I looked more closely at the bags. They weighed a hundred pounds each. The guys had left them in the middle of the sidewalk because they were too heavy to carry for any length of time, yet I'd moved them all several feet away.

There is not a doubt in my mind if I had actually read the weight on the bags before moving them, I wouldn't have been able to do it. In fact, after I knew they weighed only three pounds less than I did, I suddenly couldn't carry them as easily. I had been working on the assumption that they weighed about 40 lbs each. I knew they were heavy, but I had no idea. My ignorance gave me the belief that I could carry them, and I did.

I gave this post the tag "Magical Mondays" (even though it is Saturday) because that experience illustrates the power of belief. I might have done better with my challenge if I hadn't allowed the belief that I was too tired/too stressed to overtake me. On the other hand, since I did so well on the days I wasn't working, I now believe that I can handle Nano. Heck, if I could write 5000+ words a day (the equivalent of moving 100 lb bags for me) I'm sure I can write 1667.

That's all they figure it takes to complete NaNoWriMo. 1667 words a day.

Piece of cake. :)

Dangit

Well, there's only today and tomorrow left of my two week challenge and I've had to spend over a week of it working 12-15 hour days for other people, hence I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be.

Such is life. Nevertheless, I did get a little more work done, lost one more pound (hooray - finally broke through that plateau) and even wrote another page on the short erotica piece I had put on hold. I just couldn't stand seeing all three of those blue bars staying in the same place week after week. :)

Oh, well. NaNoWriMo starts Thursday, so I'll just keep plugging away through November. How are the rest of you doing?

TGIF

Quick update - still working hard for everyone else, not much time for me. I did get in a couple of words today - only 3 pages, but every little bit helps, right? I hope to take tomorrow as a painting day and Sunday as a writing day. Let's see if I can get as much done this weekend as I did the last one. That should help make up for the couple of days I had to miss.

From reading your blogs, it looks like everyone else is hard at work too. We're all getting closer to the finish line - keep up the good work!

Remember: "A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit." --Richard Bach

And if you need more inspiration, make sure you have The Write Attitude. :)

Now, since I'm really tired, I'm off to relax a bit.

When it rains...

Steve, Spy, Edie, Avery, Marcia, LaDonna - how's it going out there?

I'm hanging in, but not at the pace I'd hoped for. We were under Murphy's Law yesterday, and today... well, I'm adding a tag of "Magical Mondays" to this blog because let me tell you how it's been.

(Edie & Spy, this one's for you.) :)

Let's see if I can get the timeline straight since I'm still sleep-deprived.

A couple of days ago, I worried that I needed to find work. Spy said don't worry about it, the universe has a way of swooping in at the last minute, and Edie said she was visualizing money raining down on me.

Well, earlier in the month, I had sold a piece of artwork on eBay for a fairly significant sum but it got lost in the mail. Fortunately, the woman who bought it was absolutely lovely. When I explained the other day that I couldn't file an insurance claim on the loss until 21 days had passed (we'd already waited 14 on a package that was sent 3-day priority) she said she'd like to wait another week to see if it arrived, or have me paint her another one instead of give her money back.

That was extremely nice of her and a big relief to me. So, I said a few prayers that it would find its way to her, or that it would somehow work out.

Yesterday, I gathered my purse and keys to go buy the supplies to make her another one since I'd given up hope that we'd ever see the original again. As I entered the lobby of our building, I saw it. Sitting in front of my mailbox was the package -- returned to sender. I had mislabeled it and they'd sent it back. Now everyone wins. :) I had also told her about another painting I was working on, and she wants me to let her know when I'm finished so she can bid on that. What a sweetheart.

(That was also a welcome change from the fireman fiasco which had started out the morning!)

A little while later, I got an email from a former colleague asking for help with a project she had that's due tomorrow. Well, that meant less writing time, but it also meant more money, so I said, "sure."

A few hours after that, I got an email from my former boss (who is now working where I'd interviewed last Monday) who said that they will be making me a formal offer as soon as they finish with the Human Resources paperwork.

Yippee! More money, but hmm.... did I mention I signed up for Nano again, thinking I'd have time after all?

Today, I got two more emails with requests from others who'd like me to do some contract work for them. One is a fairly significant project due by November 12. It also pays pretty well.

Spy, you were right. :)

Though, did I mention I was trying to finish one novel before the end of October, and another one in November? But did I also mention I was broke and needed the money? LOL

So... Edie....is there any way you can visualize money AND time raining down on me? *grin* Oh, and best sellers for all of us. Thanks, you're the best. :)

Now here's a little bit of fun that I used with NaNoWriMo last year. I can't change the word count, but it does let me change the number of words and the action of the cartoon guy. Since the percentage almost matches my page count #, I thought I'd throw him in. (Of course, I may take Steve's advice and increase my font to 48pt - I should be finished at that rate.) :)

Updates, Part 2

Well, sort of.

Not much to report, actually. I haven't lost any more weight, but I haven't gained either, so that's at least good. Will just have to find a way to break through the plateau. However, I did manage to break through a bit of the writing plateau (a.k.a. writer's block, stall, laziness, whatever you want to call it.)

It went like this:

I'd been toying with the idea of doing NaNoWriMo next month, even though I know I'll need to be doing some serious job hunting and/or working then. (The interview I had Monday seemed to go well, but I still don't know anything.) I also just finished a book (one I'd recommend - there were a few issues with it, but overall, she made me laugh on nearly every page) called TIME OFF FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR by Lani Diane Rich. In the author biography, she mentioned the book was one she wrote during NaNoWriMo. I was impressed. I also remembered the book my friend Amber wrote during Nano last year - it was outstanding. Hmm, says I, should I take the plunge?

The only plunge was one of cold, sobering reality. I need November to focus on financial survival. Period. However, I continued to argue with myself, November is still two weeks away. What about Book in a Week? (BIAW) It may not be an official start time, but it might work. Stewart had also posted a short story writing challenge to his group to help break through blocks. There were still opportunities.

I did a bit of research--all of which suggest that rapid writing, writing past the inner critic--would make for magical happenings. I also read a lot of great blogs (mainly to avoid acting on my research) and decided to give myself a two week, 20 page a day challenge.

It started today, folks. I managed 25 pages so far, and I had no idea what I was going to write when I started. I considered finishing the novella, but that wouldn't have lasted more than a day or two. It had to be big, so I went with a kernel of an idea that I'd had floating around since last year, but never followed up on because I really had no idea what to do with it.

So it's true what they say. If you can make it past the inner critic, stifle the inner editor, you CAN just write and write and write. Doesn't mean it will all be good, but it doesn't have to be. The point is to just get it down. Revise later. But, gah, that's hard for me! It was made even harder by some great posts by Bernita and Steve Malley. Their advice kept ringing in my head, slowing me down, but I repeated the mantra, "You will fix it later!" and moved on.

I wrote for 6 hours today with many, many breaks. I can't do that when I work full time, so I want to do it while I can. Let's see if I hold up for two weeks. I hope so. 20 pages/day for 14 days=280 pages. That's 70,000 words or so. More than I've ever written for one piece.

So.... anyone want to join me for a crazy exercise? You don't have to make it 20 pages a day. Just as much as you possibly can every day for two weeks. Somewhere between BIAW and NaNo.