Feeling guilty...

I missed Magical Mondays yesterday because I'm not feeling well. In fact, I'm home from work sick today.

...yet for some strange reason, I'm here in front of the computer... Okay, in my defense, I had to get on to see if my daughter's school closed because of the snow (they didn't - woohoo! I get to go back to bed in peace.) Bad mother!

Anyway, I've got some good stuff for future MM's that I hope to get up there at some point. In the meantime, though, I've got a question going at my other blog that I'd really like for people to answer if they'd be so kind. Michelle and Edie got me curious about something and now I want answers, darnit. :)

By the way...

I got the cover for the anthology the other day and this is the first chance I've had to post it.

Here it is if you're interested: Masquerade

The Sweet Smell of ... Sweat?

Hmmm.... then why do the deodorant do such big business?

(From Reuters)
For women, apparently there's nothing like the smell of a man's sweat.

Researchers at the University of California at Berkeley said women who sniffed a chemical found in male sweat experienced elevated levels of an important hormone, along with higher sexual arousal, faster heart rate and other effects.

Apparently, it also elevates mood and contributes to an overall sense of well-being.

Can't say that sour oniony smell ever did it for me quite like that. Give me a man fresh out of the shower, still smelling of shampoo and his own sweet (clean) self. That will get my heart rate going, among other things. :)

Missing in Action

Real life is taking center stage right now, so I'll have to miss this week's Magical Mondays. Meanwhile, to get your magical fix, the Samhain Weblog had a nice post on unexplainable events, and Susan Miller sent me this link that you might enjoy.

I hope to be back to the blogs (mine and yours) sometime next week. Be well everyone.

 

Romance

I was blog hopping this morning through some of my favorites, still a little crabby from a long, hard week, still questioning whether I should even attempt to write romance being the cynic I am, and came across this.

Love Letter

I'm going to go find some more Kleenex now.

 

Boob Wishes Strike Again!

Congratulations to my CP Amber on her recent new contract! That makes two contracts in the past couple of months. She sent the email with the title "boob wishes" but I also think it's been a lot of hard work and the fact that her talent grows and grows.

Keep those boob wishes tucked in people! :)

Holy Crap!

What has Jennifer Lopez done to her face?

Normally, I don't talk about celebrities. Don't think about them much, don't really care. However, I saw this photo from her new video on Yahoo a little while ago and was horrified.

The reason why this one bothers me so much is because every time my half-Latina daughter says to me she wants to take her college fund money and get a nose job, I've always pointed out Jennifer Lopez's nose, how it's similar to hers, and how J.L.'s considered one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Now I guess I'll just have to say how sad that even with all her fame and fortune, she still didn't think she was good enough.

Before:


After:

Magical Mondays: Intuition
(Once again posted on Sunday...may have to change the name) :)

There have been many times when my intuition prodded me to do--or not do--something and if I listened, things went well. If I didn’t, every single time I was sorry.

For example, last year my brother was out late. I knew he had gone to his favorite “watering hole” but felt he should have been home by a certain time and he wasn’t. Yet whenever that happened in the past, I would call to check on him and he always just fine--usually waiting for someone to get off work, or had gone home with one of the women who worked there. I could tell he got annoyed with me for calling to check on him (I usually called to see if he needed a ride home so he wouldn’t drink & drive) so I stopped calling, trusting him to be a big boy and take care of himself.

Well, that particular night, I was very agitated. I couldn’t stop worrying about him. I paced the floor, asking my daughter every few minutes if she was sure he hadn’t called. (She’s not so good at passing along messages.) I even picked up the phone several times to make sure it was working, yet hesitated to call him. ‘He probably just went home with a waitress,’ I thought. Since he didn’t really like me calling to check on him, I was torn. At one point, I even got dressed because I had a strong feeling that I should drive around to look for him, then told myself I was being silly. He was a grown man, and he would call me if anything were wrong.

For three hours, it went on like that, my intuition screaming, “Something’s wrong!” my brain saying, “leave it alone.” Finally, the doorbell rang, followed by loud pounding. It was my brother, out of breath and in pain. He’d lost his keys and tried to walk home from the bar (stubbornly refusing to get a ride from anyone, thinking it was only about 3 miles, he could handle it.)

Now, for most, that wouldn’t have been such a bad thing, but this man has only one leg and a bad heart--AND--the dingbat had stopped at the store then tried to carry home a 50lb bag of salt as he went. His foot bled from blisters, and the end of his one thigh swelled painfully around the prosthetic leg. He was also upset because he’d tried to call several times once he felt he couldn’t go on. I didn’t see how that could be, since I’d hung near the phone most of the night checking to see if it worked. I’d even looked once to see if the ringer was turned off, but couldn’t find a switch that indicated it. He hobbled over to the phone and found the sound switch. Sure enough, it was off--my daughter had forgotten she’d turned it off. (teenagers--grrrr)

I told him why I had hesitated to call, and he understood, but said he would have begged me to come get him. He finally abandoned the salt about a mile into the trek, and sat on it nearly crying from pain, calling over and over. I asked what time that was, and it was about the same time I’d gotten dressed with the idea to drive around looking for him. My intuition was right, and I didn’t listen to it.

Of course, he could have called someone else, or even a taxi, but he’s stubborn, thought he could do it, and didn’t want anyone to witness his embarrassment. (Sorry--cat’s out of the bag now.) :)

The point is, though, this wasn’t the only time something like that has happened. My intuition will prod me and if I listen, it’s good; if I allow “reason” to take over, I’m always sorry later. Yet, it is still almost impossible for me to follow my intuition when logic has arguments against it. Do you ever have that experience? Are there times when you listened to that little nagging voice in your head and it was exactly the right thing to do, or times you didn’t listen and you were sorry? How do you override your so-called “good sense” and go with your gut?

Style and Taste

If you asked my daughter, she'd assure you most vehemently that I possess neither. But I'm not concerned about fashion sense (she's right--I have none), I'm concerned about writing.

I've mentioned before that I don't think I'm a very good judge of my own work, and lately that seems to keep hitting me between the eyes. I think I vacillate between two very different styles: one whimsical and sparse, the other serious and verbose. I have the most fun with the whimsy, feel it's "truer" to my voice, yet I've noticed people tend to respond more positively to the serious stuff--the stuff that I think is bad, over the top and the purplest of prose even as I write it.

Could it be that my attempts at humor are like my attempts to wear blue jeans--shouldn't be done, especially with elastic waists? Are those bits I dismissed as painfully purple really the sweater I'm embarrassed to wear, yet always receive compliments on it when I do?

I honestly don't know. How do you know if your stuff is good or not? Do you think you're a good judge of your own writing?

I need a wife, and other things...

There was a fire drill early this morning at my office. It was about 16 degrees outside and we all had to huddle out in the cold for what felt like hours, but in reality was only about ten minutes. There were construction workers nearby digging ditches, laying marble over concrete stairs and other things. Most of the poor guys were on the ground, in holes, or sitting on concrete--they had to be freezing. I felt so bad for them and hoped they were being paid well and had good wives they could to home to for warmth and comfort. That's when it hit me. I need a wife. :)

I want to come home from a long day at the office and have dinner waiting for me, the laundry done, the house clean, and my daughter well taken care of. I want someone who will make sure my bills are all paid on time and that the bathroom is already warm when I go in to take a shower.

I used to be that kind of wife; now I need one. I could use some help around here. And for that privilege, I'd pay for all her expenses, buy her pretty clothes, and she wouldn't even have to sleep with me. :)

Now, speaking of people helping people (well, actually in this case, it's going to be about people helping animals), Sidney Williams posted a link on his blog about an organization that is currently looking for short stories to sell for two months (they don't buy the rights--just use the story for those two months), the proceeds of which go to help rescue animals. You can check it out here.

Magical Mondays: A Grandfather's Gifts

(Posting on Sunday due to time constraints)

I had originally planned to blog about a different topic for this Monday, but something happened Friday that changed my mind.

This may ramble a bit, but please bear with me as I try to keep to the timeline of important events here. :) Some of you may recognize this because I talked about it in someone else's blog, but now there's more.

Some background: My parents divorced when I was six and I only saw my father a handful of times after that up until age 11, then he disappeared from our lives. My paternal grandfather, too, disappeared after the divorce until I was about 15. He just showed up on our doorstep one day--he'd hired someone to find us--and said he didn't care what his son or my mother said, he wasn't going to go on cutting his grandkids out of his life. Apparently, our dad told him our mom didn't want him coming around, and told our mom his father didn't want to see us, thus the breach.

Over the years, he kept in touch and my brother even lived with him for a years. About six years ago I visited him and found out that he'd written 21 books over the years; something I didn't know and was pleased to discover. He had self-published, and he autographed a copy of one his books for me--it's one of my treasures--and said I could edit his next book.

Go forward to around May of the following year: I had a feeling I was forgetting something important that was due to happen on July 18th. My daughter's birthday is the 14th, so I knew that wasn't it. I thought maybe I'd forgotten a friend's birthday, so I called her to verify the date; she said no, not until October 18. Perturbed, I searched the house for clues as to what I was forgetting and found nothing. Nevertheless, I circled the date on all my calendars at work and home. It wasn't until I bolted out of bed on the morning of the 19th that I realized what day it was: my grandfather had died the day before, and I'd circled the date two months before it happened.

A couple of weeks later, I was sitting in the living room thinking about two men that I had been semi-dating at the time and wondering if I ought to continue, pick one, or drop both when I heard my grandfather's voice in the room loud and clear, saying, "Ain't neither one of 'ems worth a shit!" It shook me pretty badly because it sounded as if he were in the room right next to me. Not long afterward, I found out he was exactly right--they weren't. :)

Fast-forward to this past week and bear in mind that the first and last time I've seen my father in the past 30+ years was at my granddad's funeral five years ago.

Thursday night, I was remembering some pictures taken at my grandparent's house 14 years ago, but that had gotten lost over the years. I had seen one when I went to get my things in Arizona and thought I had brought it home with me, but searched and couldn't find it. It was the last one I had. I wished there were some way I could get copies of all of them, especially digital ones, but knew there was no way. No one else had any, and they weren't taken with a digital camera, so I was out of luck. It made me really sad.

The next day, I got an email from my dad. It said, "We were going through some old pictures today and came across these from your Grandpa." Attached were all the photos I thought were gone forever.

He's still looking out for me.

Milestones

Yesterday, I made plans to mail my contract and the hard copy of my story to the publisher this weekend. I looked up at the calendar and realized I would be mailing it on my birthday. That seemed fitting. I received the acceptance letter for this story around the one-year anniversary of joining the RWA--which was the anniversary of when I decided to seriously pursue publication--so why not mail the contract on the anniversary of my birth?

Happy Birthday to me. :)

Early to bed, early to rise...

Will make me tired anyway. I spoke to my boss today about cutting back on my hours to spend more time with my daughter, and the good news is that I was able to rearrange my schedule to allow more down time and for me to be here when she gets home from school--even better, I'm not having to take a cut in pay to do it. Sometimes the powers that be are good to us. :)

However, it will also mean adhering to a stricter schedule than I'm used to, as well as going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. I've also laid out a new plan with my daughter about changes that need to be made around here, and while it might be difficult at first, in the long run it will be far better for both of us. What this will also mean is that in the short run I'll have less time for blogging, but in the long run, more time for writing in general. So, while I had good intentions of running daily themes, I can see that won't happen. I'll still try to do "Magical Mondays" just because I find the reminder of small miracles to be inspirational, and hope others may find some comfort in them as well. :)

One step closer...

To the final round. I received an email tonight from one of the editors at Aphrodite's Apples with the edits of my short story attached. Well, I was surprised, dismayed and embarrassed because I hadn't sent in the final version to be edited yet--she was going off the original I had sent in for consideration. (I'd found a few small errors that I fixed and was waiting for a contract clarification before sending it in, something I'd asked about earlier and was told to send in my final with the contract.) Anyway, I guess with the holidays and everyone so busy something slipped through a crack.

However, the good news is that I wrote back to explain and she was lovely about it. (Thank goodness--I hated coming off as the newbie I am! lol) Even better, I looked over her edits and they were mainly the ones that I had already caught, plus a few I didn't see. (Great to have another pair of eyes--she also tweaked the very last sentence of the story and made it a lot better.)

So, now it's back in her hands to see if she likes/hates/is indifferent to the other minor tweaks I made. It's getting closer now! I'm really looking forward to seeing what they come up with for the cover art. I liked the last two Masquerade covers--it will be fun to see what volume three looks like.

Magical Mondays: Someone to Watch Over Me

Some time ago, there was discussion on Magical Musings about the book "Write it Down, Make it Happen" by Henriette Anne Klauser, which led to "Boob Wishes." (My "Boob Wishes" are a post for another Monday :)

Anyway, since I've been experiencing some uncertainty lately about the direction my life has been taking, I remembered something that happened several years ago--long before I'd heard of boob wishes or Ms. Klauser. :)

A bit of a prologue:

One night, several years ago, I dreamt that I was walking down a hallway, and suddenly a very dear friend named Kathy, who had died many years before, appeared in the hall. I was so amazed and happy to see her and truly felt her presence--it didn't feel like a dream. I was just so overjoyed and astounded that I asked, is it really you? She nodded and smiled, gave me a hug, then opened a door behind her. She took my hand to show me inside, but I held back and looked through the brown metal blinds of a large window by the door. Inside the room were several corporate types sitting around a table with computers--there was one red-haired woman I found particularly intimidating. Kathy tried to get me to go in and talk to them, but I was afraid. I felt like I wouldn't belong there, but she told me I had nothing to fear, that I could go in. Still I resisted, just knowing I didn't belong in a such a group (I could see they were far better educated and experienced than I was) so I just watched for a few minutes then I woke up, still feeling like she had really been with me.

Flash forward a couple of years...

One weekend, I was depressed wondering if things were ever going to look up for my daughter and me, and if I was working to the best of my abilities (do you sense a theme here--I do this periodically.) I had quit a full-time job to work part-time, but I wasn't making enough money to cover all the bills.

That Saturday, I thought about all the things I had done up to that point as far as work (I had only been working for about five years then--had been a homemaker for the ten years prior.) I wrote down all the things I had enjoyed doing, and what my "ideal" job at that time might look like. I also wrote down a salary that as a no-longer-young, single mom with limited education didn't really seem feasible, but I wrote it down anyway. I put the list in my purse and went about my business.

The next day, Sunday, I took my daughter to a nearby town to watch a movie. While we were there, I remembered a computer instructor from a class I took soon after my divorce, David Z. He and his family lived in that town and were very kind to me, but I hadn't seen them in several years. The notion crossed my mind to stop by and say "hello" but I dismissed it, thinking it would be too odd after so much time had passed, so I just went home.

The next afternoon (Monday) I got a call from the new secretary at my former job. She asked if I knew a David Z. and said he had called for me that morning, but she didn't want to give him any information about me if I didn't know him. (Dave had also recommended me for the former job.) She said he left his number because he wanted to talk to me about a job I might like. I called, amazed since I was just thinking of him the day before, but was even more surprised when he described the job: it was everything on my list, including the salary.

Of course, I felt it was out of my league and there was no way I would get it, but I applied anyway. To my great surprise, I got it. But the most astounding of all, was a few weeks later when they showed me around the building. There it was: the large glass window by the door, the brown metal blinds and people sitting around a table with computers. And that scary red-haired woman? Her name is Shauna, and she's not nearly as intimidating as I thought she would be.

I'm so confused!

I've spent a lot of time and money trying to learn as much as I can about writing and publishing--I've read all the recommended books, I've bookmarked the appropriate agent/editor/publisher sites, I've scoured the blogs and libraries--I've done my homework.

Now, I'm the type of person who looks out at the world in search of patterns; it comforts me to note the connections and consistencies between cultures, ideas and just about everything in general. I figured I would be able to do my homework, take note of what the experts were saying, and then go out and find great examples in books past and present to support their points.

What I've learned is that in spite of what all the editors and agents say, the books they actually publish break every "rule" they claim to enforce. The prose is more purple than Barney the dinosaur's butt. Magical, wandering body parts appear on every page: eyes roam, pierce, drill and steam. Hearts lurch, jump, and slide out of place so often the cardiologists must be in heaven. The characters still hiss, slam, fling and toss out their dialogue--and they not only hiss it, they hiss is silkily, angrily, whatever-ly.

What gives?

As if that weren't betrayal enough, I've also learned that my work is no good if I don't have a theme, character arcs, follow mythological journeys with characters that represent archetypes from our collective unconscious. I'm supposed to clearly define ahead of time what I want each scene to accomplish and not confuse it with a serial.

And here I thought I was just trying to tell a fun story with fun characters.

Avery DeBow has a great blog about this type of intimidation on his MySpace blog. I wish he'd post it to his regular blog where anyone could see it. I did write to him this morning and asked if he'd let me quote it, or if he'd publish it where I could link to it so you could all enjoy his take on the subject. However, I'm impatient and started writing without him. :) I would imagine he's somewhere actually having a life right now instead of hanging out in front of the computer on a Saturday afternoon. At least, I hope he is.

So, I've just added one more resolution to this year's list. Screw the experts. I'm just going to write the stories as best I can and leave it at that. Sure, I'll still do some research into what the editors/agents are looking for, but only for such things as do they not publish sf/f, romance etc., so that I don't submit to the wrong one. After that, well, I'll just make mistakes and be glorious. :)

Free Fallin' Friday

I'm probably about to offend lots of people here, but never let it be said I left the thing half-done. :)

I recently discovered there is actually a new fiction genre out there--Christian Erotica. Yep. It's true. And, if like it did to me, this comes as news to you, I hope you weren't drinking something when you read it. The first time I saw it, I thought it was a joke. They're kidding, right? I mean, isn't that an oxymoron? What's it about? What defines it? Is it because they scream "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God" in the throes of passion? Is it Jim Bakker's life story?

Apparently not. From what I can gather, it's hotter right now than a simonist in the eighth circle of hell. I still can't wrap my head around it. Maybe that's because I spent so many years in a fundamentalist Christian cult (sad but true, and probably TMI) so I can't imagine what this could be like or who would read it. Just boggles the mind. Are they giving them away as prizes during Bingo? Does the marquee outside the church read: Our fundraiser needs your support--come Sunday for pancakes and porn!

OK, I'm sorry. In fact, I know of a very talented writer who is writing one now, and I'm sure she can pull it off, though even she admitted to struggling with the concept. So with that in mind, I'm offering my sincere (and I do mean that) apologies to the writers and buyers of CE. I may not be able to understand it, but that could be because I'm a mannerless cretin who giggles during church. Ask anybody.

Thrifty Thursdays

The UPS man just left behind a box of seven books that I had ordered using the book store gift card my brother gave me for Christmas. I wish now that I'd had my epiphany from earlier this week before I ordered the books--I might have made some changes. For example, I would have bought another copy of "Your Money or Your Life" by Joe Dominguez--a book I had before, but accidentally gave away. (don't ask)

However, I'm still excited by what I did get. I went crazy in the bargain bin - seven books under $25 - I think that's thrifty. :)

Among them were "Ciao Italia - Bringing Italy Home: Regional Recipes, Flavors and Traditions as Seen on the Public Television Series Ciao Italia" by Mary Ann Esposito (I always loved that show); "Edit Yourself: A Manual for Everyone Who Works with Words" by Bruce Ross-Larson (I need that - I can edit others, but not myself); "The Element Encyclopedia of Magical Creatures" by John & Caitlin Matthews (I've heard this is great for people who write books with magical elements) and Stephen R. Covey's "First Things First."

Looking at the Covey book, I was a little sceptical about somebody known for working with corporate leaders being able to put "first things first", but I came across this in the first few pages. After explaining some of the sections, he says: "Finally, we'll take a look at "first things"--and our basic human needs and capacities to live, to love, to learn, and to leave a legacy--and how to put them first by using our inner compass to align our lives with the "true north" realities that govern quality of life."

Aligning our lives with our "true north." I like that idea. I'll let you know more about the book once I finish reading it. In the meantime, as you can tell by the existential angst I've been pouring over this blog the past few days, I'm desperately trying to align my outer life with my inner life. I'm truly a simple person at heart; I could easily live in a one-room cabin in the woods (as long as I had an Internet connection *g*) and be quite content. I've read lots over the years about women who turned their backs on the corporate world, or head out to the country because it was a long-standing dream, or who raised families on their own with very little money--sometimes because they had no choice, sometimes because they chose to spend more time with their families. I find them inspirational.

Since I'm fairly tired right now, and since my computer keeps freezing, I'm just going to leave you with a link and a small tip. The link, The Garden of Simplicity by Duane Elgin has a nice article about the meaning of simplicity. As for the tip, if you've ever read a woman's magazine in your life you may have read this before; if not, here's one of my favorite "frugal living" tips. :)

Save the wrappers from sticks of butter or margarine. There's still enough butter on the wrapper that you can use it to grease baking pans. (You can keep them in a baggie in the refrigerator - if you have more than one, put a piece of wax paper between.) It really does make a nice, quick way to grease cake pans without wasting anything.

Congratulations Amber and Get Well Karen!

Taking a break from my self-indulgent whining to support my fabulous CPs, Amber and Karen, who have each been been experiencing some of life's ups and downs lately. Karen had surgery this week but is doing well, thank goodness, and Amber just got her first contract offer today - woohoo! :)

Writing Wednesdays

OK, yeah. I designated Wednesdays for writing topics, but things have been happening lately that are demanding my attention, causing me to question what I’ve been doing with my time, my skills, and my life and I can't seem to focus on much else. I suppose it’s timely--starting a new year defining ones values is not a bad thing, and I feel like I’ve not been making the best use of my time on earth lately.

Two more things happened today (that’s two in a long list of things) that pressed home the point yet again. One was a long, dreary staff meeting where I had to listen to other people being given sole credit for projects that I not only initiated, but also planned, developed and implemented through many hours of hard work. The other was a phone call from one of my daughter’s teachers about how she’s been cutting class and is close to failing. That’s been going on for a while now, and Emily is a very bright girl so there’s no academic excuse for her bad grades.

Obviously, something is wrong and I’m asking myself, I’ve been working long hours to provide a certain level of income for what? I know this is a common occurrence; if it weren’t, there wouldn’t be such sayings as “No one ever said on their deathbed, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.’” And while from time to time I have made breaks away from it, attempting to put first things first, it seems like I repeatedly allowed myself to be sucked back into the money-work-stress cycle.

I remember thinking some years ago that if I just had more money, everything would be okay. Well, now I’m making forty thousand more per year than I was then. (Not that I’m well off by any means; the fact that I’m up 40K simply speaks to how poor I was.) However, I’m no happier now than I was then. I’m just as stressed worrying about my kid, just as unhappy that I don’t have the time or energy to pursue the things I enjoy. So I asked myself, since money didn’t make a difference, what would? What am I missing? The answer was clear: time and purpose. I’ve been lacking both--then and now.

Actually, I’ve changed jobs on a couple of occasions to give myself more time, but I realize now that I still lacked purpose; or else, didn’t commit fully to whatever purpose I’d used as an excuse for quitting. I think those times I switched jobs was simply because I was burnt out, but told myself I was doing it for better reasons; yet once the fear of poverty set in, I went back to the grind.

I just took some time off from writing this blog to have a long talk with my daughter. After our discussion about her grades, I also told her that I’m going to ask my boss if I can go to part-time. Her first words were (in a panicky voice), “But won’t that mean you’ll be paid less?” I said yes, but the money wasn’t worth giving up my life. She said it would be for her. That led to a long discussion about values, reminders of how we lived before vs. how we live now and if we truly were any happier, and how short and unpredictable life really is: my younger brother died suddenly a couple of years ago from heart failure; he was only 31. I don’t expect her to change her way of thinking overnight, but I believe the seed was planted that one thing we can’t buy is the most valuable thing we can have: time for our loved ones, time for ourselves.

Now, I’ll try to bring this back around to writing. :) Going part-time will only just cover the bills. But the freedom to spend time with her, to give her the attention she needs, to do the things that make me happy such as writing and painting--that’s priceless. I believe I can only become a better writer, painter and most importantly, mother, because of it.

Sad start...

Well, I had designated Tuesdays for "tool tips" but I've spent several hours recovering from a blogger disaster (sigh...you'll notice the new temporary layout), then nearly forgot that I was supposed to be part of a publisher's chat for Aphrodite's Apples (My first author chat! I would have invited you but I forgot about it until it was already underway!)

Anyway, the point is, I got nuthin. I've been too busy actually taking care of technical difficulties to have time to write about them. I still need to update the links, background, etc. of the blog, but little by little. I also started a new blog, A Walk on the Weird Side, just for my non-romance works. I've had two stories bumping against my brain for some time now--one's been around for over a year, the other for the past few months--and they aren't exactly happily-ever-afters. In fact, one of them has no romantic elements at all, and the other... well, maybe it could be called "speculative romance." Not sure about that yet.

Oh, well. So how's your Tuesday shaping up? My ex once told me there's a saying in Mexico, "Los Martes son malos" - Tuesdays are bad. Let's hope that's not true. :)

Magical Mondays: The Power of Prayer

Since coming up with the idea for "Magical Mondays", I've had to work hard at figuring out where to start. There are so many things that I can think of to write about here, and one idea leads to another, many wonderful events are connected in a beautiful chain, so that I've been reeling trying to decide where to begin. Since this is the first one out of the gate, I decided to go with something simple.

From the time I was very young (around 3), I had a spiritual inclination that none of my family shared. I'm not even sure where or how it started, but it was there. Somehow, I learned about prayer and began doing it on my own very early on and now, some 40 years later, I can honestly say that I've never had a prayer go unanswered--no matter how large or small--even when the prayer wasn't formal, or even when I didn't know to what or whom I was praying.

As I'm typing, I'm flooded with images, big and small, of all the prayers that have been answered and am wondering which ones would be the best to write about. I've had major prayer answered, but I think my favorite, though, was a just a small one. It always touches me to remember it.

Several years ago, I lived next door to an elementary school. One day, I looked out the window and saw a little boy who looked to be about six or seven years old, standing far away from all the other children on the playground. He walked around by himself looking so sad, just watching while the other children played together. He was not well dressed, very overweight for his age, and not an attractive child; knowing how kids can be, it was easy to see he would have a hard time in school. My heart just broke for him. I watched for several minutes and no one spoke to him. Eventually, he walked away from the groups until he was at the side of the building, where he picked up a stick and started hitting it against the wall.

I kept hoping someone would notice him but they didn't, so I said a fervent prayer that someone would come and play with that him--give him just a few moments of happiness because he looked so sad. I heard the laundry buzzer go off and had to leave my spot at the window for a few minutes. When I came back, looked out again to check on him. He was now joined by another little boy and they were playing and laughing, and the look on his face was one of joy, as if he'd been given a wonderful gift.

It could be that it was his prayer that was answered that day; it could simply be that the second little boy was a good hearted soul (and I believe both those are true), but my prayer was also answered, and I'm still grateful that I saw a minor miracle take place. After all, any kindness is always a gift.

Organizing

If you have trouble posting/seeing posts, etc., know that I just switched to the new version of blogger, which is supposedly more reliable, but seeing as how I just got bumped off 5 times and received error messages 3 times when I tried to sign in, my faith is less than rock solid.

Anyway, I know that this blog tends to be just sputters & spurts from my brain, and after reading so many others with such useful information (ie, Magical Musings, Spyscribbler, Romancing the Blog and more) I'm thinking about making some changes - to offer you more substance and involvement.

As I was trying to think of things that I could offer, it came to me that I've had a LOT of incidents in my life that could be considered (depending on your point of view) as magical, miraculous, "meant to be", or just simply amazing coincidents. Whenever I'm feeling less than hopeful, it always helps to think of those incidents -- they give me confidence and faith. So, I thought about making Mondays "Magical Mondays" where I post examples of those times and ask for your magical moments. What do you think?

I also have a lot of experience with Microsoft Office products and HTML, so if anyone would like a "Tool Tips" Tuesday, let me know. :) As a single mom (and formerly displaced homemaker as well as former accountant) I also have a lot of experience with budgets - would a "Thrifty Thursday" appeal to anyone? Since most of us aren't raking in J.K. Rowling's earnings (yet! *g*), we could share living well on a shoestring tips. If not, no biggie. I can come up with something else. :)

"Writerly Wednesdays" could be where we post our current news, excerpts, links to helpful information, publishers/editors/writer's websites and news, as well as book reviews - what do you think about that?

That leaves me with "Free for All Fridays" - anything goes. (You know, the usual brain spurts. :)

I'm going to try to make Saturdays & Sundays the time where I get some actual work done on my WIPs and painting, and try to stay off the Internet. Yeah, we'll see how that goes. :)

On the other hand, if these ideas don't appeal to anyone, I can just keep up the usual prattle. :)

Small Pleasures

(Image copyright Robin Woods)

I recently went to Arizona to pack and mail the rest of the things I left behind when I moved last year. Some of the items have arrived and to my great pleasure, there were eight boxes of books and movies that made their way home. I was especially happy to see the books - all my beloved writing books, favorite novels and one that I had even forgotten that I bought just before I moved, "The Writer's Complete Fantasy Reference: An Indispensable Compendium of Myth and Magic from the Editors of Writer's Digests Books."

Woohoo! Happy days are here again! :o)

I was also pleased to see my Robin Woods tarot deck tucked in among them (I've missed it - bought another deck which was quite pretty, but not as satisfying as this one.) The first card I saw when I opened the box was the Queen of Pentacles (or coins) and she's one of my favorite cards. I love the pastoral setting of this card, all the greens and golds, the fruits and flowers, as she sits calm and contented, the soft little rabbits sheltered by her side. I always see her as a strong, independent and warm woman who has intelligently tended her gardens and crafts, and now enjoys the fruits of her labor with plenty to share. She's in control of her life and offers assistance to those who may need it, while being at peace with her own nature and surroundings. That's who I want to be when I grow up. :)

What's your passion?

This morning was yet another where I had to force myself to get out of bed and go into work; not because I was sick, but because I was BORED. Before I left the house, though, I took a minute to read email (of course *g*) and look at a bit of online news. I read this article and sat just staring at the computer screen for several minutes after. It was this line that really got to me:

"If you are this good at something you don't love, how good can you be at something you love?"

I have had a number of jobs over the last several years, some of which I absolutely hated, but all of which I did really well. Some of the jobs at which I excelled were ones where I didn't even know how to do it when I started; I had on-the-job-training or I self-taught. And the kicker is that I didn't like doing them. (Accounting, for example - I was really good at it but Hated it.)

So why, then, am I afraid I'll fail if I do what I love to do? It was all I could do at that point to keep from calling in my resignation. However, a bit of reality seeped in and I realized I need to plan first - I'll need to keep this job for a little longer, but that doesn't mean I can't start paving the way for following my dreams using my current salary as the base for getting there.

God willing and the creek don't rise, I'll do just that.

Book Reviews (well, sort of)

I just finished reading Tess Gerritson's blog on the reading preferences of men & women, and it reminded me of the past week I spent with my brother. He recommended S.M. Stirling's "Dies the Fire" trilogy to me, and I read those while I was there. (With a name like Stirling, he had to be good, right?)

I also found A. Lee Martinez' book, "In the Company of Ogres" lying about and read it too. After reading that one, I immediately went searching for more by the same author, and found "Gil's All Fright Diner" at Barnes & Noble which I finished on the plane ride home.

Now, here's where the tie-in with Gerritson's blog comes in. I enjoyed all of those books, (Ogres most of all) but my brother and I enjoyed them for entirely different reasons. When we discussed them, his emphasis was more on the technical/logical aspects of things, whereas my focus was on the relationships and the humor.

While reading the "Dies the Fire" trilogy, I tended to skim over the war strategies and the technical details - the very things my brother wanted to discuss - but I was riveted by the relationships, the things which made him roll his eyes and skip to the next page. However, each of us would recommend the books to others.

Something similar happened with the Martinez books. When we talked about how much we enjoyed them, and the parts we found most amusing, I mentioned some of the funny things the females in the book did and he didn't recall those right away; he mentioned the name of one of the minor male characters, and it took me a second to remember which one he was. I suppose the good news for both of those authors is that they wrote books that appeal to male & female readers. I'd like to do that someday.

Back to Civilization!

Well, my hands are still a little shaky, but my eye twitching is only slightly perceptible now... I think the symptoms of withdrawal are finally slowing down. *g*

Although it was wonderful to see my brother and meet his new fiancee (who is an absolutely lovely person inside and out) and also fun to see my critique gang after all these months, it's so good to be home and so good to be online again! :)
Thanks to Tempest and Edie for the welcome back. :o)

Here's wishing all of my online & offline friends a wonderful, safe & happy New Year!

Happy Holidays

Since I'll be leaving town soon and will be without Internet access for a week (gasp--oh the pain, the pain!), I want to wish all my web friends a safe, happy holiday season full of love and magic.

As a small gift, I'm also leaving you with a free holiday short story (age 18 and over only, please.) I hope you enjoy it. :)

A Christmas Tail

Tagged

Thanks to the lovely Michelle Diener, I've been tagged to fill out the following...

Four jobs I've had:
Homemaker :)
Credit Analyst
Office Manager
Tech writer/editor/web content manager (all part of the same job)

Four favorite foods:
Chicken mole
Quonset pizza (restaurant 20 miles away - I drive there just for the pizza)
Enchiladas
Pad Thai

Four movies I can watch over and over:
Love Actually
Truly Madly Deeply
Harry Potter (all of them)
Pride and Prejudice

TV Shows I enjoy:
Mystery (PBS - pretty much all of their mystery series)
Coupling

Four places I've traveled:
After reading about all the great places other people have been, I'm embarrassed to say I've never been out of the states!
Nevertheless, I've seen quite a bit of my own country, so to pick just four favorites: Tennessee, Arizona, Virginia, Minnesota

Four websites I visit daily:
I visit Magical Musings and MySpace every day, but there are many websites and blogs that I visit several times a week to see if there's anything new, such as (in no particular order):

Edie Ramer
Michelle Diener
Liz Kreger
http://theresamonsey.blogspot.com/
Lynne Simpson
The Gab Wagon
Spyscribbler
Karin Tabke
Amy Knupp
Delightful Chaos
Writ 72 (Whom I would have tagged, but I'll excuse her because she's been ill lately) :)
HH Self
Sabrina Luna
Kayleigh Jamison
Candice Gilmore
HS Kinn
The Midnight Hour

And many more . . .

Four people I'm tagging to do this (and I do hope they'll forgive me!) :)
Chaos Delight
Sabrina Luna
Spyscribbler
Vincent (HH Self)

Hmm... I'm starting to see why I never get anything done - too much darned time on the Internet! :)

I'm a Real Boy!

Well, maybe not. :)

But I'm finally starting to feel like a "real" writer. The editor/webmistress of Aphrodite's Apples sent out a request to their newest authors (Yolanda Sfetsos, Tyree Kimber and yours truly) to send in their bios and photos for their website. It's finally starting to sink in.

Now, when I actually see it in "print" - I'll really crow. :)

Guerilla Marketing

I thought I'd share some techniques that people are using to market their books in cheap, easy and unexpected ways. One website I found (Speculations.com) had some interesting posts Market Chat: Guerilla Marketing for Writers. I recommend reading it - I found some ideas other than the usual "get a website" and "join readers groups" (both of which are still good ideas!)

I liked the idea of having flyers about your book if you're doing a signing (ok, I'm so not there yet, but I still thought it was a good idea. :)) There are also people who slip their bookmarks and business cards in with the checks when they pay their bills - an idea I plan to use. In the website above, there are a couple of interesting posts on getting in good with your local librarian. I've also heard to ask the library if you can leave a stack of your bookmarks on their counter and that most of them are amenable to this idea. They are also usually excited if you offer to teach a workshop about writing. I'm probably too introverted to pull something like that off, but the more gregarious among you may be able to. :)

Taking the library idea a little further, I plan on leaving bookmarks in books that are similar to mine in the library, as if they were accidentally left behind. :) I think I'll slip in a few business cards or markers on key shelves at bookstores, too, if I can get away with it. :)

I also saw a business card for a photographer stuck in the control panel of an elevator once - it got my attention. I took it down in case I needed it for my jacket cover photo. (Always wishful thinking ahead!) :) I decided to leave my cards on elevators also, as well as on bulletin boards at the grocery store where anyone can advertise anything (a good place for flyers too); and in the "lunch drawing" bowls that some restaurants have where businessmen can leave their cards behind to enter into a drawing for a free lunch. (Hey, free advertisement and a free lunch - what's not to love?)

I remember reading about a writer who left a little stack of bookmarks beside her on the table whenever she went out to eat and would offer them to the wait staff. She said they usually loved them and were grateful. Whenever she didn't do that, she'd leave her card or a bookmark with the tip.

Pretty much anywhere people gather is a marketing opportunity - whether on the internet, at a restaurant, library, bookstore or even the doctor's office as Liz Kreger recently discovered. You can read about her experience here.

So let's put on our thinking helmets and night vision goggles and get out there. :) What methods are using or planning on trying to market your books?

An Attitude of Gratitude

I took another suggestion from the book "Write it Down, Make it Happen" and wrote "Thanks!" on the memo line of bills I paid today. Surprisingly, it did make parting with that money a little easier. :)

For example, when writing a rather large check to pay my electric heating bill, I thought about how hard the people work to make sure my place is warm - the electric company men & women who come out in all weather & all hours doing the best they can when the electricity goes out due to storms; the people entering the data from my check so that my bill gets paid on time and my electricity stays on - for you, I'm grateful. :) I'm also grateful I for the fact that I had the money to pay it with in the first place, and for the people working at the bank who process the checks too. So when I wrote "thanks" on the memo line next to my account number, I meant it. I still had to pay the bill, but at least it wasn't quite as painful. :)

I hope I can remember to be grateful more often.

Sick of Snark

After my long ramble earlier, I thought I would click on one of the scrolling links of random blogs that shows up when I login. I thought it might be fun to read some new blogs, see what other people were writing about.

Boy, was I sorry.

I've noticed over the past several years that "nastiness" seems to equal "cleverness" for a lot of people. Since when did criticizing everyone and everything in the most negative manner possible become a sign of intelligence? Yet is seems that is what a lot of people think. I was so discouraged after reading just a random sampling of blogs. It appears Snarkiness is In. Stronger than ever.

Which isn't to say I haven't been sarcastic from time to time. In fact, I'm sarcastic more often than even *I* would like. But it's just so prevalent now... so... so mean.

I hate that it's so common for television, movies, books and yes, blogs, to portray those who are rude and inconsiderate as "cool and clever." Downgrading others to make ourselves look better doesn't really work; the truth is that the opposite happens. We only look bitter and foolish - even if the media might try to make us believe otherwise.

So why not take the high road? Practice compassion, kindness and discretion. I saw this anonymous quote and printed it to hang over my desk at work. I look at it whenever I feel like strangling somebody. :) And since I've just sat here and put down several snarky people, I hope they'll think of it whenever they think of me. :)

"Resolve to be gentle with the weak, kind to the young, patient with the old, compassionate towards the poor, understanding of the wrong--at some point in your life, you will have been all these things."

Blocked

I'm having a bit of trouble lately... I can't seem to work on anything with any real dedication since I've not yet been able to get the contract with Aphrodite's Apples squared away. It's weird. This has been going on since I first found out my story was accepted, which was a few months ago. I thought it would finally be over when I got the new contract yesterday, only to find I still had one more question. Ack!

I know this is not good -- I can't put my writing life on hold waiting for each little thing to be worked out. The very nature of this business means there will be long periods of waiting between projects while things are settled: submit, wait; rejected, try again; accepted, contract negotiations, revisions, etc. All of this takes time - weeks, months, even years! If I stop writing while I'm waiting, I may never have another thing published!

I've been reading "Write it Down, Make it Happen" by Henriette Anne Klauser (a book Edie Ramer recommended) and Klauser brought up how resistance always means something. We just need to get to the bottom of why we're resisting. (In my case, the resistance is manifesting in writer's block.) Even as I type now, a few thoughts came to mind.

One, I'm afraid that somehow something will go wrong with the contract and I won't be published and I'll feel like I've wasted all this time and effort and will feel very foolish.

Two, I'm afraid that I'm really a poor writer and everyone will know it once they read my stuff - there are so many good writers out there, some of whom are much better writers than I am and have yet to be published, who will all be wondering why did *she* get a lucky break?

Three, I'm a neurotic perfectionist who knows her work isn't perfection and gets a little queasy at the thought of other people knowing it too. Actually, three is part of two.

Hmm... You know, that book is onto something. She said just start writing about your resistance without thinking it through too much, and I just did that in the previous paragraphs/sentences. (Thank you for sitting through my stream of consciousness prattle if you've read this far.) I think I see a theme: I'm terrified of looking like a fool. Which brings to mind an interesting coincidence (or would it be a "Go! Incident"?) - the blog at Magical Musings today was about learning from our mistakes.

I'd better go read it again, and remind myself that "failure" is only "feedback." Even if I still don't like it. :-)

Sales and Promotions

I've been a little under the weather lately (figuratively and literally - sick and snowed in), so I haven't been online much. However, I read a couple of interesting blogs - two at The Gab Wagon (11/30 and 12/4) on e- vs. print publishing, which was enlightening, encouraging and depressing all at the same time! Cheyenne McCray's blog at The Midnight Hour on self-promotion was also very good. (She's one who went from being e-pubbed to a USA Today Bestselling author, so I trust her judgment.) :)

Trains and Trances

J.K. Rowling said she got the idea for Harry Potter while riding a train. Well, today I had to take the train into Chicago (I never drive into the city!) for a seminar, and rather jokingly thought as I boarded that maybe lightning would strike twice. Well, I don't know about that, but I did see several things that inspired me on the trip, and while she said she got the whole plot in a flash, I got more bits and pieces that might one day weave together into an interesting whole.

While I was chugging along, I also remembered that Einstein was inspired by a train ride, too. I could see why - it's easy to lose oneself in the rhythmic motion, eerie lights and passing faces. Maybe I'll take the train more often. :)

From what I've read in other places, it seems rhythmic motions and/or white noise tends to open the creative channels for some - train and automobile rides are recurring favorites, as are the drones of hair dryers and vacuum cleaners. The theory is that our minds open to the universal creative force when we're in a meditative state. Is there anything in particular that seems to put you into a creative trance?

E-Inspiration

Since my first published story is due to come out as an e-book, I decided to make a little list of well-known and up-and-coming authors who had their start in epublishing. The list is by no means comprehensive - it consists of just a few names that came to mind right away. Some of these writers even have books out that you can find in your local supermarket - not just in bookstores.

To start (in no particular order):

Cheyenne McCray/Debbie Federici
Mary Janice Davidson
Jennifer Ashley/Allyson James
Linnea Sinclair
Angela Knight
Susan Sizemore
Lisa Renee Jones
M.J.Rose

To continue:
(The following authors have made names for themselves in the e-publishing world and have quite a following, some of them also have their books in print)

Mackenzie McKade (she also co-writes with Cheyenne McCray, so you can find her in your local Barnes & Noble)
Tina Gerow
Denise Agnew
Dakota Cassidy
Alley Blue
Ciar Cullen
CJ England
Vijaya Schartz
Lena Matthews
Maggie Casper
Rae Monet
Maya Banks/Sharon Long
Shiloh Walker
Kate Steele
Jaci Burton
Kate Hill
Lora Leigh
Jordan Summers
Lena Austin
Jaycee Clark

And let us not forget:

Jaid Black - she started Ellora's Cave to sell her own books and look at her now!

Progress

I recently read Candice Gilmore's brave blog about her experience with Weight Watchers, and was impressed how she posted her progress. Since this month's "boob wishes" for me include not so much the losing of the weight as the motivation/energy to do so, I thought I would borrow a page from her book and post my progress (or lack of) out here for the world to see in an attempt to stay motivated.
So without further ado, here is where things stand from last week:

2 / 65 (3.1%)

Now I just need to stay motivated to finish my WIPs, too. :) A few days ago I took some time out to write a synopsis, broke through one bit of writer's block, then got hit with it again. To break through that one, I tossed all seven pages of the synopsis in the air, closed my eyes and picked up one page. I told myself that I would write whatever scenes were on that page. That worked fairly well for a couple of days, now I find myself back to watching TV, playing spider solitaire and putting up progress meters on my blog. :) What do you do to stay motivated - whether it's writing, dieting, working out - how do you stick to the goals you set for yourself when you aren't accountable to anyone else?

Just a quick note...

to wish everyone a safe, healthy & happy holiday.

Back on the chain gang...

Well, I've barely seen my daughter this weekend - she's been doing the multiple sleepovers thing with friends, so that gave me a bit of time to write. So without further ado, here's the latest pic from the Sterling NaNoWriMo Cam:

Just say no...

Well, I've fought the fine fight, just not to the finish. I've realized there is just no way I can complete Nano this month. I will persevere with the writing and finish my story, but I seriously doubt I'll reach the 50K word count by the end of the month. I'm disappointed, but not going to be too hard on myself.

There have just been so many unexpected things that came up this month on the work and home fronts that I haven't been able to dedicate the amount of time necessary to finish, so like Elisabeth Naughton and Shanna Swendson, I'm backing down until further notice. I'll be joining the "Non-Conformist Novel Writing Month in January" (See Shanna's blog) when things will (I hope!) be back to normal...ish.

(And hey, wasn't it a group of young men ((20-30 somethings)) with lots of time on their hands and no families who thought it was a good idea to do this thing November? That says a lot.)

In the meantime, I need to do some revisions on the piece awaiting publication, my "to critique" files are backed up, and I'll continue with my WIP.

The good news is that I have a cool new witch's hat to wear for inspiration while I write. :) It seems to be working, too; though I really ought to take the tags off - I look more like a deranged Minnie Pearl than a wise Minerva McGonagall. :)

Last view from the webcam before it went dark:

No, No Nano

I'm participating in NaNoWriMo this month and will be away from the blogs and newsgroups for a while. I'm a little behind right now, so will be working furiously to catch up.

You can check my progress and current conditions daily here at my live webcam:



"Webcam" courtesy of writertopia. :)

Happy Halloween!

For a funny, yet creepy free tale, check out Zombie High from Delightful Chaos.
To continue the spirit, this week on Magical Musings, they are exploring what scares us - from the dreadful doubt monsters to superstitions; and Edie Ramer also has an interesting thread on "supernatural" events on her blog. Enjoy!

To Thine Own Self Be True

Good advice - and apparently, some I haven't been taking. I had an epiphany last night as I geared up for NaNoWriMo. I was reading the book "No Plot, No Problem" by one of the NaNo founders, and there was an exercise in it that requires you to list some things that you think make a great novel, and some things that you hate. Once you've done that, you aren't allowed to let anything in the second list to creep into your nano book.

After I made my lists, I realized why I was having such trouble finishing a couple of my WIPs - I was not only writing outside my comfort zone, I was writing outside my "happy" zone. I'm neither a suspense nor mystery writer, so why have I been trying to write those stories? I rarely even read those types of books; occasionally, yes, but not often. This debate is nothing new; you can find it on most writers' blogs: do you write for yourself, or do you write for the market?

Mind you, I've known for a long time that we should "write what we like to read." But I still got lost along the way, since I'd noticed that most of the books that were selling were action, mystery and suspense; but the truth is, I like comedy.

I like fun, quirky characters. I like magic in books that makes you laugh, not magic that scares you to death. In fact, the story I just sold had magical characters, but they were fun. The suspense was whether the heroine would find the hero in time to make her wish come true -- no demons were chasing her, no one was murdered -- and I had fun writing it. The fact that it was accepted means there must still be some people out there who like reading those stories.

I have a WIP that I've put on hold for several months now, because I was afraid it might be a little too derivative, and that there might not be an audience for it. (You could say the high concept line for that one is "Bridget Jones goes to Hogwarts.") :) However, it's still one of my favorites - I love the characters and miss them. Another favorite is about a birthday fairy - I miss her, too. I think it's time to call them from the bench and put them into play. The vampires and werewolves can stick around, but they're going to have lighten up a bit if they want to play in my game.

Whose Space?

MySpace. My daughter is not too happy with me now that I have a "MySpace." Apparently, this is an unforgivable encroachment into her world -- a place no old woman (particularly a mother) has any business being. She bemoans the fact that when she tries to login, my name appears first and resentfully points out that it used to remember HER name first. Then of course, as if it's not bad enough that I'm on there, there's the embarrassing fact that I only have 16 friends at the moment. (Somehow her friends might find out about this and it will reflect badly on her.)

"Join a whore train!" she commands.

"WHAT?!"

"That way you'll at least automatically get signed up with a lot of friends."

"But I don't want a bunch of weird strangers on my space - I'm trying to cultivate writing and reading friends."

Lots of eye rolling, head shaking, and dark muttering follow. Apparently, I'm just too lame for words.

From dustbunnies to tumbleweeds

That's what's been happening in my place lately. Who has time for housework? I figure if I can make it across my kitchen floor in ten minutes or less, without getting stuck in the middle, I'm doing ok. :)

I actually managed to get some cleaning in this past weekend, but then I got an idea for a story, wrote down a couple of pages, then looked around and thought, "I need a nap." Took said nap, and actually dreamed the next scene for the story, so all in all, I figured it was time well spent.

Counting Blessings

"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are." - Marianne Williamson

Whenever I'm down, if I remember to count my blessings--literally count them--I always feel better. Even when things have been at their darkest (and there have been some very dark times), if I could just remember to write down all of the good things in my life, all the things I'm grateful for - things as important as my daughter's good health, or as small as seeing daffodils - I start to realize that I have much to be thankful for. The list starts to grow and grow, and pretty soon, I'm smiling again. It almost seems ridiculous, it's so easy. It doesn't make the bad things go away, but it does make me glad for what I have and that gives me the strength to continue on, in spite of whatever darkness may surround me.

Trouble concentrating

I just can't seem to focus these days. It's harder and harder to care about the day job when I'd much rather spend my time creating worlds from my imagination, and reading about others' pursuits of the same. There are so many great blogs & websites out there by authors and artists, and I get such great emails from fellow writers - who has time to work a day job?

For example, if you go to Magical Musings, one of my favorite blogs, every single person on there has her own great site, so there goes several more hours clicking and reading. Then recently, my fellow Desert Rose members Mackenzie McKade and Cheyenne McCray had great new book trailers made on their MySpaces, so naturally, I had to check those out. (I want to be them when I grow up! Of course, it's probably too late, since I think I'm older than they are. :))

In the meantime, however, I still have to provide food, clothing and shelter to my daughter (kids are so demanding!) so I guess I'll have to stick it out with the day job a little longer. At least until I become rich and famous, or until she moves out and I can be a starving artist.

One Down, Two to Go…

I’m still so excited and in shock that I can’t even write to tell the story of how it happened, though basically, my story is exactly the same as Liz’s at Magical Musings.... I’m at work, I open the email after about 2 seconds worth of hesitation, at first think it’s a rejection letter, have to read through twice to actually get the concept that I’M ABOUT TO BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!

My story Unmasked is now slated to appear in Volume III of The Masquerade series published by Aphrodite's Apples.

Boob wishes work. :o)

NaNoWriMo

I received an email today reminding me that next month is National Novel Writing Month. This will be my first time participating and I'm excited. I'm looking at it as a way to finally turn off my internal editor and just speed through that first draft.

Unless, of course, I receive a contract from a certain publisher, in which case I hope I'll be making revisions and getting ready to be published, soon thereafter to be an international success and multi-millionaire like J.K. Rowling. (Hey, a gal can dream, can't she? *grin* )

And he wins by a nose!

Not long ago, I was at my brother's house watching a nature program on Proboscis Monkeys. The narrator commented how the female monkeys prefer big-nosed males for mating, and it became apparent to me why I've always been attracted to big-nosed men: I'm obviously just not very evolved. :)

Seriously, the bigger the beak, the weaker my knees. Don't know why, it just does it for me. Alan Rickman, Adrien Brody, Gerard Depardieu...heck, even Jimmy Durante.

Well, I've done it...

Sent my poor first child off into the cold, cruel world all alone. (No, not Emily, the manuscript.)

Now I'm back to the waiting game, hoping for a speedy answer, yet dreading that a quick reply might mean thanks, but no thanks.

Unfortunately, all my writing pals, published and unpubbed, have assured me that it never gets any easier. Is that supposed to be comforting, ladies? You're writers, for goodness sake, can't you come up with anything better than that? (grin)

Omygodohmygodohmygod!

Ok, well, I just got an email response from the editor at Aphrodite's Apples asking me to send the entire manuscript (insert elated screams, goosebumps and lots of jumping up and down here) and I am now back on the roller coaster of hope - hooray! - and fear - what if it still gets turned down?

Well, I won't know until I send it! Am off to stop my hands from shaking so that I can send that puppy off!

Riddled with doubt...

Anxiety... insecurity...fear... What was I thinking?!

Yesterday's hopeful excitement quickly gave way to a sense of impending doom. I went from seeing life through rose-colored glasses to looking through Marvin the depressed robot's eyes.

I'm a talentless twit...the query letter sucked... the story is drivel only my cat could love. Was I out of my mind?

Sigh... It's hard to be cheerful with an earache and a sore toe. Yes, toe. I banged it in on the bed doing my happy dance. It's a sign. I know it is.

Happy Anniversary to Me

In my post below, I mentioned that I was polishing my query letter for my first-ever submission. Well, I not only polished it, I sent it off today. I don't know how other writers survive doing this over and over. My hands were shaking when I pressed that "send" button! (email query) The publishers' website says it takes about a month to get a reply, so we'll see. But come what may, it's a good feeling to have finally done it.

After I sent it, it occurred to me that it has been almost a year to the day since I joined the RWA and started taking writing seriously, so what better way to spend that anniversary than by sending off my first query to a publisher? It was so scary and exciting, and all I did was email a query! I wonder how I'll feel when that first response comes back - yea or nay. I know it's naive to expect the first one out of the gate to be published, but that still doesn't stop me from hoping. Wish me luck! *grin*

It's finished!

I did it - I finally did it! The piece that I was working on to submit for consideration to Aphrodite's Apples is finally done. It took a little longer than expected due to numerous illnesses and interruptions, but I'm happy to say that it is done. I'm polishing up my query letter now, and will begin work on a short synopsis just in case.

It's a little scary since this will be my first submission to a publisher, but even if all I receive is a rejection letter, I will hang it on my wall with pride, because at least I took it that far. And maybe one day, I can paper my office walls with rejection slips as well as copies of contracts.

Sympathetic Villains

I was just thinking about some of my favorite characters from books and movies. They are often supposed to be the villain of the piece, yet I find myself hoping they'll be the heroes in the end. Severus Snape, for example. Or the Phantom of the Opera. Not nice guys, surely, but...but... Gee, I want them to WIN. And then there was Alan Rickman's portrayal of the Sheriff of Nottingham - he was so funny and engaging, it broke my heart when he was killed. Of course, I love any character Rickman plays even though I wish he would do more comedy, but I digress.

When I read Cheyenne McCray's "Forbidden Magic", I found myself rooting for Junga toward the end -- she's really a bad gal, but I hope she somehow gets a happily-ever-after by the end of the series.

Then there was Cyrus in Jennifer Armintrout's "The Turning". Again, not a warm and fuzzy guy, but I wanted things to turn out well for him, even though I also loved Nathan.

I guess it's a little scary to think about what this says about me... I've always loved the troublemakers. My cats have always been psychos, my daughter is a handful, and the men I'm always drawn to aren't necessarily "bad boys", but they generally aren't the ones your parents would love, either. The strange thing about that is I've always had a reputation as a "goody two shoes" - maybe I'm attracted to that spark that is either lacking or deeply hidden in me? Only my therapist knows for sure. (grin)

Does anybody else love these misfits as much as I do? Do you long for their redemption, or their triumph, and maybe even feel a little guilty about that?

What a line!

Saw this headline on the front page of Yahoo and it tickled my funnybone.

Pitt Wants Marriage for All
"The actor says he'll never tie the knot with Angelina unless the U.S. drops marriage restrictions. "

What a scam... I can picture it now... Even the most hard-nosed conservatives wanting to appear "sensitive & socially conscious" (because let's face it, it's the clinically proven best way to get into any girl's pants) will all claim "I love you baby, but I just can't marry you until everyone has the right to get married. Damn my social conscience..."

(Okay, maybe I'm just a bit cynical, but I still thought it was pretty funny - a stroke of genius for men wanting to avoid commitment, while still appearing to be "good guys" - of course, I think Brad's good guy ship sunk with his divorce, but that's just my humble opinion.)